too awkward to live

[violetforever]

besides the deeply traumatic and more serious reasons i want to die, which probably contribute to this reason, i genuinely just feel uncomfortable existing as if i werent meant to be here. i lay in bed at night and realize how i cant handle a single thing without being cluelessly awkward and insecure. i feel random constant guilt for nothing too. i just find my existence and life in general to be strange now. i really try to enjoy moments but this feeling never goes away. no improvements towards life that i make bring any change to this. im so weird and i wish i could connect with people and things like a normal person does. i simultaneously thrive and deteriorate when i keep myself alone and away from others. im some sort of mistake.

 

[DownwardSpiral]

i'm sorry you feel that way. it's sad that just a little awkwardness is enough to isolate people like this. being awkward is so hard in this world. we have to pretend to be normal all the time, but its impossible to act completely normal when you're dealing with so many complex feelings on the inside & are all alone. its very hard to deal with any of life's troubles when you don't have any support in your environment. just know there are plenty of people who don't mind awkwardness & will look past it to see you for you. when you have true connections, they wont care about things like that. you should be proud of yourself for still trying to improve your life & enjoy things, that takes a lot of bravery & it's good.

 

[violetforever]

i'm sorry you feel that way. it's sad that just a little awkwardness is enough to isolate people like this. being awkward is so hard in this world. we have to pretend to be normal all the time, but its impossible to act completely normal when you're dealing with so many complex feelings on the inside & are all alone. its very hard to deal with any of life's troubles when you don't have any support in your environment. just know there are plenty of people who don't mind awkwardness & will look past it to see you for you. when you have true connections, they wont care about things like that. you should be proud of yourself for still trying to improve your life & enjoy things, that takes a lot of bravery & it's good.

thank u for this reply <3

 

[RadiantNumber]

Don't worry only those fuckers who pretends everything is okay are not awkward to live

 

[3spiral]

besides the deeply traumatic and more serious reasons i want to die, which probably contribute to this reason, i genuinely just feel uncomfortable existing as if i werent meant to be here. i lay in bed at night and realize how i cant handle a single thing without being cluelessly awkward and insecure. i feel random constant guilt for nothing too. i just find my existence and life in general to be strange now. i really try to enjoy moments but this feeling never goes away. no improvements towards life that i make bring any change to this. im so weird and i wish i could connect with people and things like a normal person does. i simultaneously thrive and deteriorate when i keep myself alone and away from others. im some sort of mistake.

I relate to this sm. I don't have anything else super traumatic though but for some reason I feel like this. I feel like I won't be able to handle anything in life and that's usually what leads me to wanting to ctb

 

[itsgone2]

im so weird and i wish i could connect with people and things like a normal person does. i simultaneously thrive and deteriorate when i keep myself alone and away from others. im some sort of mistake.

I'm so sorry. I feel the same way unfortunately. I've perhaps always known but only now seeing a lifetime of it. I don't know the right words to say how I feel about it. Frustrated? Angry? I don't want to have been made this way. I wish so badly to have lived a normal life. Again im sorry you're seeing it too. I wish I had been blind forever.

 

[violetforever]

Don't worry only those fuckers who pretends everything is okay are not awkward to live

some people genuinely enjoy existing more than they find fault with it which is insane to me :p

I relate to this sm. I don't have anything else super traumatic though but for some reason I feel like this. I feel like I won't be able to handle anything in life and that's usually what leads me to wanting to ctb

it feels like an internal struggle now. like yeah i have external reasons that contributed but i feel like a normal person couldve gotten through this by now which makes me feel like its ultimately just how i am and will be forever. i cant handle anything and i also find myself not even wanting to try to handle anything either with how i view life. i hope the awkwardness hasnt weighed down on u so much today

I'm so sorry. I feel the same way unfortunately. I've perhaps always known but only now seeing a lifetime of it. I don't know the right words to say how I feel about it. Frustrated? Angry? I don't want to have been made this way. I wish so badly to have lived a normal life. Again im sorry you're seeing it too. I wish I had been blind forever.

the full realization of accepting how far from normal my life is made me have the same reaction. i didnt really know how to feel. i kinda just dwelled on it for so long and became numb because it still continues. im sorry u relate to this too

 

[Kanau_Nano]

I feel uncomfortable and out of place in every aspect of life. So much of life is dealing with others and it feels like a puzzle most of the time to seem normal so I can be accepted. It's very overwhelming to try and function like this. I understand what you mean. I feel like a mistake too. Do you have any hope of improving? I don't anymore.

 

[historiaegiptu]

besides the deeply traumatic and more serious reasons i want to die, which probably contribute to this reason, i genuinely just feel uncomfortable existing as if i werent meant to be here. i lay in bed at night and realize how i cant handle a single thing without being cluelessly awkward and insecure. i feel random constant guilt for nothing too. i just find my existence and life in general to be strange now. i really try to enjoy moments but this feeling never goes away. no improvements towards life that i make bring any change to this. im so weird and i wish i could connect with people and things like a normal person does. i simultaneously thrive and deteriorate when i keep myself alone and away from others. im some sort of mistake.

Its uncanny how you described the exact thing i feel everyday lol. I feel like an alien who snuck on earth, i dont get how normal people around me function

 

[VileMagnolia]

So gutwrenchingly real. Every time I go outside I embarrass myself somehow. I always fumble a social interaction, I always accidentally get into people's way with my buggy even though I try to move so slowly and carefully, I always cross the road at the worst most inconvenient time even though I try to pay as much attention as possible.

I feel so out of place every time I try to just exist as a person in the world. Every time an embarrassing moment happens my first instinctive thought is "I hope I go through with killing myself soon so I can be out of the world and stop inconveniencing everyone around me."

It's exhausting.