Tomotrow is Uncertain

[StoicPizza]

So. Spending hours every night trying ligature strangulation with a makeshift torniquette item. Continued to read and study Five Last Acts and any literature I can find about this method. A few times my head goes numb and I'm in the process of passing out maybe? My SI fights like hell when I continue to improve on this method, making it more painful each time. I just laid there with what I would consider a tight reef knot for 20 mins and never passed out. Just headache and other pain and discomfort. CTB was supposed to be tonight at the latest. I'm not trying to go to the partial hospitalization in 12 hours. I think if I don't go, I get a friendly welfare check. If I do go, they're gonna see the bad ligature marks on my neck. Which has never happened until tonight. What great timing. I'll probably think I'm just going to a 3 hour class tomorrow, but really be walking into an inpatient trap. I ought to keep trying CTB tonight. But, collectively, I think I've spent like 5 hours off and on today trying ligature strangulation with torniquette. And only a select few times do I start passing out.