Help Tomorrow or Monday is the day...

[FixThisFawn]

I will sneak my dad's gun. I believe it is a 45 caliber colt (Model 1911A) in which I don't know if it will work. He also has a glock, but I don't know where it is atm. I plan to shoot through my mouth, but I'm unsure what angle to hit the brainstem, so I may aim at the back of my soft palate. Advice would great. This method should be quick n painless, right? Feeling pretty anxious about this...

 

[OfThePraxicOrder]

If you really have chosen to do this I hope you find peace friend.

A 45 caliber would do the trick, in theory if done right it will be quick but it will be very messy(don't know if you care about that). I woul also recommend to check out the the firearms megathread for advice.

 

[FixThisFawn]

EDIT: I FOUND THE GLOCK.

OK so excited but scared. I will have to sneak out the house, but if my family notices... On that note, I hope my dad doesn't notice the missing gun. And hope bugs don't infest my body, or lead to me being reborn as a bug if that's possible...

Edit 2: There's a bit of a thunderstorm outside

 

[FixThisFawn]

Edit 3: Storm is over. Just ate dinner and fuck. My dad was acting all excited about the french class I will be in when school starts, and my mom is the one who bought me the clothes/backpack I wanted. Looks like I need to motivate myself to die now

 

[OfThePraxicOrder]

Hey friend, not trying to tell you what to do, your choice is yours alone, but maybe try waiting a week and see if you still feel the same. If you're trying to find ways to motivate to CTB, maybe your not ready yet.
If you need someone to talk to im here.

 

[TrailerTrash]

Yeah, your choice, but if it were me and I'm saying to myself "looks like I need to motivate myself" I'd leave the gun alone and hold off for now. Also, not to guilt you in any way, but have you considered how choosing one of your father's guns may leave him feeling if you decide to CTB using one of them? Anyway, like we are all saying, your choice ..... make sure it's the best choice/time.

 

[FixThisFawn]

@timeisnigh Might get in trouble wi/ the mods if I say... but you recommend dying young I suppose?

 

[TrailerTrash]

Huh? I can't speak for @timeisnigh, but I recommend nothing ........ we are here to discuss and for providing thoughts and support for any/all choices. What you choose is up to you.

 

[FixThisFawn]

Here's the thing. I just can't go to school. I miss my old class, I'll be more lonely because of the social distancing, and I won't have a phone because it needs a new battery. Even more, I want the title of dying young, not as an adult. I don't wanna be a slave to life's labor, working for what I want, and then? It's not like I want to start a family, and I'll probably always have to be dependent on the one I live with.

I shouldn't wait, yet I'm wasting time pondering. Ugh, and if I change my mind, then I'd have to sneak this gun back to its place.

 

[Lone_Gray_Wolf]

Here's the thing. I just can't go to school. I miss my old class, I'll be more lonely because of the social distancing, and I won't have a phone because it needs a new battery. Even more, I just don't wanna be a slave to life's labor, working for what I want, but then? It's not like I want to start a family, and I'll probably always have to be dependent on the one I live with.

I shouldn't wait, yet I'm wasting time pondering. Ugh, and if I change my mind, then I'd have to sneak this gun back to its place.

No one is forcing you or putting pressure. Are u on the heat of the moment?. Have you make sure that is the last resource?. Get the Glock back to where it belongs might be problematic but from what I see u might could use some time to think twice. Is your last choice in this world. Make it right.

EDIT: If later on you decide that u want to ctb, you already know where the gun is, u can do it again.

 

[timeisnigh]

No one is forcing you or putting pressure. Are u on the heat of the moment?. Have you make sure that is the last resource?. Get the Glock back to where it belongs might be problematic but from what I see u might could use some time to think twice. Is your last choice in this world. Make it right.

Double what this guy said:

I've got decades of ideation, a few kind of half hearted build ups, then about a year ago I made several attempts that failed for a variety of reasons. I won't say why and they're not what you might guess.

Either way, nothing was impulsive, so after I missed those busses, I took MONTHS off: not to reconsider, but to do it right. A few months ago, I was within days of exit, then something really good happened to distract/ delay me. That's over, I can still catch the bus, and I'm still not rushing.

If anything, dragging it out doesn't make me feel like I'm second guessing myself. It makes me more confident. Most important decision in life, better not mess it up.

 

[FixThisFawn]

I can't just skip school, but It's not just that- it's my reputation and personality. Nothing can change that. It's waiting for old age health problems to take me out, or something more brutal sooner. And it's being lonely without the people I want in my life because circumstances said it could never happen.

 

[timeisnigh]

Are you 18 or not?

 

[FixThisFawn]

...won't the mods ban me or something?

As for heat of the moment, I could wake up extra early, say 4 or 5 am.

 

[Lone_Gray_Wolf]

I can't just skip school, but It's not just that- it's my reputation and personality. Nothing can change that. It's waiting for old age health problems to take me out, or something more brutal sooner. And it's being lonely without the people I want in my life because circumstances said it could never happen.

Sounds like you really are struggling with more that u let us know. It might be painful, heck I even tried to ctb (in highschool) once out of desperation but backed up. I'm still alive. Probably going to ctb in the next months but I'm not rushing. However you and I have distinct situations, I don't know yours and you don't know mines. Just wanted to tell u again to think about it. If you decide to carry on and shot your skull open, okay, your call; but just wanted you to know that there might be more than what your are seeing right now.

 

[OfThePraxicOrder]

...won't the mods ban me or something?

Look i don't like pulling the age card, since I attempted twice when I was in my teens, but maybe your just acting in the heat of the moment because you're being overwhelmed with something atm, due to corona and online classes i can't relate on that front, but I remember change and school would make me get panic attacks and I would take rash decisions and I wouldn't think properly. Like I said earlier wait a week, maybe you'll be thinking different by then.

 

[less than]

Hi FixThisFawn
I don't know you and I don't know under what circumstances you live. Nevertheless, I would agree with the opinion of the previous speakers, especially because it seems that you are very young, probably a minor. I ask you to wait with your decision, as it seems to be very impulsive. Maybe you should set yourself short-term dates first to see if there might be a way that some of your issues can be solved. I generally believe that suicide is an option, but that it can always be postponed until later. This option does not expire either.
I have further concerns that it seems that you have no experience with firearms either. As long as it remains your choice, use the time to practice using it beforehand. There is always a chance that this could cause serious injury to yourself which would not be fatal, but which would create even more problems.

Please take good care of yourself and be good to yourself.