Hey, i didn't die yet.. Took some time off the forum to think and really ponder if this is the right decision, and the answer is yes, i can't and won't continue my existence the way things are unfolding. Not doing it today means i'll suffer horribly in the future. I couldn't ctb that day, had one last thing to do, but it changed nothing.
I can't help but thank you all for the support and the beautiful comments, there's so many awesome people in here, the loneliness that i've felt was greatly reduced by joining our community.
Hopefully i can document my experience, this will be my last contribuition. If i don't report back in 3 days i'm dead for sure. Took right now 30mg meto, 8mg of ondansetron, 400mg propanolol, and 800mg tagamet. I weight 75kg, height - 180cm. Been fasting for 12h by now. In 1 hour will drink the SN.