I went to my late uncle's body viewing today, and it's kinda made me sad. Not super depressed today, just kinda made me realize mortality and stuff like that.
Like I said, I'm doing fairly well mentally right now, I have been for a few days now. His funeral is tomorrow, I'll probably go to the funeral home but I might leave before the funeral. I hate seeing funeral services and watching them bury the person.
I'm on this site but I still have a desire to live, at least for now and for the foreseeable future. This site is mainly I guess for support that I really don't receive elsewhere.
I guess to look at some positives, I got to see and talk to one of my favorite cousins for hours, and I don't see her often so it was pleasant. Our thoughts align politically, she also has depression I think, she won't talk much about it but she said she couldn't come to the funeral as she has a therapy appointment. (My family is far right and homophobic, she's left-leaning and her sister is a pansexual).
Not many pluses besides that, as far as I can think of because I had to be around members of the family that I hate (they're known pedophiles, convicted of it in the past). I kept my distance and kept an eye on all of my cousins, who are minors, because I'll be damned if I let something happen to them.
Anyways I'm getting off topic. I was kinda sad but not depressed which is a feeling I haven't had in a while, I don't know if I've beat my depression, but if I keep feeling not depressed, I might start posting more on the recovery part of the site. I'm unsure yet but I haven't really felt depressed in a few days, which might be a result of me thinking positively towards college and finding a direction in life.
I still unfortunately miss my ex, but I've also tried understanding that I can't control what she does, I can only control my reactions and actions. Life's gonna be rough sometimes I guess and I guess this is one of those times. I can't force her to come back or love me, I'm probably going to try to be a friend and if I can't do that, I'll cut her off for a bit. I might even just cut her off once I'm in college to focus on studies and bettering my health (going to the gym, maybe seeing a therapist idk yet). I might also get a part time job in college but I also have a ton of money saved up to live off of in college. My mom and her boyfriend also plan on helping me I think, in terms of groceries and stuff (I still live with them). They even said I could live with them even after I get a job after college if I go (I'm 95% sure I wanna go, I'm still scared though), and if that's the case, and I can get a job nearby without having to move, that would be amazing and I can save a lot of money not having to rent or anything, and move out, maybe even put a down payment on a house, who knows.
Anyways, things have been sad recently, and I desire some change :/, and I really don't wanna fall into a depressing state again, but I'm trying to keep a positive outlook. I'm just glad you guys are here to help and talk to.
Like I said, I'm doing fairly well mentally right now, I have been for a few days now. His funeral is tomorrow, I'll probably go to the funeral home but I might leave before the funeral. I hate seeing funeral services and watching them bury the person.
I'm on this site but I still have a desire to live, at least for now and for the foreseeable future. This site is mainly I guess for support that I really don't receive elsewhere.
I guess to look at some positives, I got to see and talk to one of my favorite cousins for hours, and I don't see her often so it was pleasant. Our thoughts align politically, she also has depression I think, she won't talk much about it but she said she couldn't come to the funeral as she has a therapy appointment. (My family is far right and homophobic, she's left-leaning and her sister is a pansexual).
Not many pluses besides that, as far as I can think of because I had to be around members of the family that I hate (they're known pedophiles, convicted of it in the past). I kept my distance and kept an eye on all of my cousins, who are minors, because I'll be damned if I let something happen to them.
Anyways I'm getting off topic. I was kinda sad but not depressed which is a feeling I haven't had in a while, I don't know if I've beat my depression, but if I keep feeling not depressed, I might start posting more on the recovery part of the site. I'm unsure yet but I haven't really felt depressed in a few days, which might be a result of me thinking positively towards college and finding a direction in life.
I still unfortunately miss my ex, but I've also tried understanding that I can't control what she does, I can only control my reactions and actions. Life's gonna be rough sometimes I guess and I guess this is one of those times. I can't force her to come back or love me, I'm probably going to try to be a friend and if I can't do that, I'll cut her off for a bit. I might even just cut her off once I'm in college to focus on studies and bettering my health (going to the gym, maybe seeing a therapist idk yet). I might also get a part time job in college but I also have a ton of money saved up to live off of in college. My mom and her boyfriend also plan on helping me I think, in terms of groceries and stuff (I still live with them). They even said I could live with them even after I get a job after college if I go (I'm 95% sure I wanna go, I'm still scared though), and if that's the case, and I can get a job nearby without having to move, that would be amazing and I can save a lot of money not having to rent or anything, and move out, maybe even put a down payment on a house, who knows.
Anyways, things have been sad recently, and I desire some change :/, and I really don't wanna fall into a depressing state again, but I'm trying to keep a positive outlook. I'm just glad you guys are here to help and talk to.
