No matter what I'll just always find it so terrible and dreadful to suffer in this existence, I just always find it so torturous to be burdened with this existence suffering all for the sake of it just waiting to not exist anyway and I'll always see existing as just waiting for death. For me non-existence truly is all that's positive and I always suffer so much from being trapped in this existence I always saw as a terrible mistake, I see it as the most terrible, dreadful tragedy how this existence was imposed causing all this harm and suffering as a result with no limit as to how much one can be tortured and I see so much cruelty in how the suffering and torture of human existence is seen as to force and prolong no matter what, more than anything I just wish I never suffered, I'll always prefer to not exist than be burdened with this existence of unnecessary suffering.