Help To writes notes or not the write notes

[deletedaccount30982]

Having a full month between deciding definitively on a plan and date and when I am going to be able to execute it has left me with a lot of time for my mind to run wild. For the last few years I've been pretty indifferent towards notes. Any time I've come close to attempting lately I've not bothered. To be fair, I haven't been this confident since my attempt at SN 4 years ago either, so maybe that has a part to play in it. When I was younger I would always write notes. Sometimes I would write notes without even having a plan to actually try. Rehearsal notes I suppose. I probably wrote notes at least once every month or so. With my SN attempt I wrote a haphazard note. I had no intentions of writing a note this time. I have been writing in my journal all of my thoughts and plans and feelings lately. I was going to have that serve as a note of sorts. A chronicle of everything that has lead me to this point as of the last year or so.

As I have had so much time to think lately, I've started to consider it again. I'm realizing I have things I want to say to specific people. Not just general answers as to why I've done this or what lead to this or the likes that can be answered with my journal. Personal relationships I want to give closure to. The problem is I know that no length of a note could really heal the hurt I will be bringing. Even if someone chooses to read it, which they may well decide they don't want to, they will still have questions. They will still be angry and devastated and hurt and confused. I don't know that my note will do anything. It may even cause more pain.

I know these notes would be more for my own personal closure and feelings. Hell, I could even write them and the. destroy them if it will help me. But I guess my question is: has anyone here ever received a suicide note? Or lost someone to suicide without a note? Do you wish you had a note or was receiving one worse than nothing? Will it help more than it will hurt or will it just make things more painful? Or is it a point of indifference? I know there is a possibility that it doesn't sway things either way. I'm just not sure what I should do.

 

[27ClubSoon]

In my personal opinion (strongly underlined) I think if there is people you know care for you, you owe them an explanation. Your suicide will hurt them a lot. Loss hurts at the best of times especially so when it is chosen by the person.

If you don't want to write a note(s) or don't feel you need to again that's your choice.
I'd just recommend you to think about each of the people who may be hurt by your action and whether you believe they would want a note.

 

[deletedaccount30982]

In my personal opinion (strongly underlined) I think if there is people you know care for you, you owe them an explanation. Your suicide will hurt them a lot. Loss hurts at the best of times especially so when it is chosen by the person.

If you don't want to write a note(s) or don't feel you need to again that's your choice.
I'd just recommend you to think about each of the people who may be hurt by your action and whether you believe they would want a note.

Almost everyone in my life who will be strongly affected by this does already know why. I have mental health issues dating back to before I was 10 years old. I was in and out of hospitals for years. I have hidden that I relapsed a few years ago, though, so they will be taken slightly aback because I've been telling everyone I've been fine since 2021. But that's where my journal comes in to explain things. It details everything that has been going through my mind all these years since. And I've picked up writing in it even more as of late.

I'm just unsure of whether or not to leave personalized notes.

Maybe I'll write them and think for a while as to whether or not to leave them to be given after I pass or to throw them away.

 

[Wolf Girl]

Someone posted a link to a really good guide to writing a note that would be helpful for those left behind, but I can't find it... Try searching?

 

[A Dream of a Dream]

There may never be complete closure for loved ones, but a note I feel is the closest thing to any such thing we can give them.

 

[Life'sA6itch]

I would only write notes to the people I truly care about. I'd like to leave instructions and explain to possibly help them understand. Sure they may be shocked and all but it's my life, I should be able to do as I please. And the truth is, when each of us dies, the world keeps turning. Nothing stops because we do!

 

[deletedaccount30982]

I know that anything left at the scene will be at least temporarily held as evidence. But if so write notes and leave them at my apartment since I'll be CTB at a hotel, will police search my home and take them? It'll be pretty fucking clear by the hotel scene that it's a suicide. So unless they decide to do a really thorough investigation are there chances they would search my home? I just would like my notes to not be taken by police as I know that they can be difficult to obtain without request and I don't want my loved ones to have to literally ask the police for the notes.

I'm sorry this isn't the most clear, my mind has been all over the place as of late.

 

[A Dream of a Dream]

I don't see why they would need to do additional searches unless the cause of death is suspicious. But others may have better information.
I have one note set aside, written, signed and addressed to the police themselves to leave on my person. I would like to haunt them from the grave if they limbo my notes to family, not to mention the privacy aspect.

 

[consider]

I just would like my notes to not be taken by police as I know that they can be difficult to obtain without request and I don't want my loved ones to have to literally ask the police for the notes.

maybe you could mail it before you go? i mean put it in a mailbox. it might take a few days for your loved one to receive it but it can avoid the situation which you don't want it happened. sorry if this isnt practical.

 

[deletedaccount30982]

maybe you could mail it before you go? i mean put it in a mailbox. it might take a few days for your loved one to receive it but it can avoid the situation which you don't want it happened. sorry if this isnt practical.

My major concern with that is if I survive. If god forbid something stops this from killing me (I will be beyond furious and devastated, but life has shown me too many times it can happen) I would like to do my best to avoid seeking help or telling anyone. I would prefer to wait it out at home for however long it takes. If I mail the notes I would be caught red handed.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I've received notes from people following natural deaths and they meant a lot to me. If I CTB, I would be leaving brief notes. Most likely as attachments to a delayed email to my solicitor- in case the physical notes don't get passed on by the police. Plus, a brief note on site to confirm it was suicide and no one else was involved. I know it won't answer all the questions but, it's something.

I think- if you think your family would want to know more- your journals would tell them a lot.

 

[twin size mattress]

I thought i was the only one who wrote suicide notes all the time when i was younger, even without a solid plan in mind. It's nice knowing that others did that as well. Anyways, i used to be certain that i'd write a note but now im not really sure. I feel like i wouldnt be able to properly explain why i did it anyways to why bother. I may do something short tho, a little reminder that it wasnt their fault.

 

[Lookingtoflyfree]

I think it will be less painful to loved ones to have the note. I haven't started writing any because i haven't determined when I will do it - I'm stuck in the logistics part. But I know that the notes will help. I have abuse I will disclose from a previous partner and I think that being in the notes as the cause will give me healing before I go. Emotional abuse is awful and i feel tormented by what they did, and it's a clear reason why CTB is necessary

 

[TraumaEscapee:)]

No. I have no family. Yes they're alive but I wouldn't be on this website unless they hadn't put me through everything they did when I was a child and in my short adult life. They don't need a note. If they want answers they just need to take a good hard look in the mirror. So no I won't be leaving any notes.