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To which kind of suicidality are you closer to?
Thread starterBlondi
Start date
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What I mean by " I want to end pain " option is you want to die only because of one or few major problems in your life otherwise you would want to live.
On the other hand "I want to die " option means you want to CTB because of the philosophical beliefs
Mix of both but I chose "I want to end pain" as the prominent one. I think if I had an objectively better life, never experienced trauma and thus had no/minimal mental illness then I would still want to at least try to live. Try to make sense in a senseless world. There's a lot of things I want to do and experience in this life but thanks to the hand of cards I was given it seems impossible to achieve them.
However, there still might have come a time where I just said 'fuck this' and ctb anyway. Especially now with living through a pandemic, mass extinction, climate crisis and generally how messed up things are. It's difficult to see an even slightly better world in future.
I want to die. Most of my days aren't painful, just monotonous and boring. I don't really have anyone or anything I care about enough to stay for anymore.
I would say it's mostly end the pain. I wish I was never born, but I don't necessarily hate the concept of life, I just hate the one I am living. If I lacked my multiple mental illnesses, could connect with others, had friends, and was born in a different environment, I could possibly enjoy life. But the way I am right now makes so much of life painful, but required effort to make my life good would also be so difficult and painful, and might not actually improve my life at all.
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