Venting To my love

[Doemu]

My love, you are my light. I wil respect whatever you choose to do. But i really would like to be more with you and make more beautiful memories. You are not going to push me into darkness my darling. I was completly in, the reason reason because i stopped to attempting was because i really knew you care for me and i would like to be with you all the time we could have left.

My dear, i know proably we both are going to ctb. So i want to keep making memories with you the time we left. I will keep trying to make a future for both, even if i know the most probably future will be both to die. I really i don't mind. I fyou want to do this to save me, my love, you must to know i was alredy dead.

So be with me if you wonder, i know will hurt, for both, but i made my decision to be with you. I will keep been here to you can massage me. I will keep making the money to see you, even if i don't know anything about you.

I hope you can really change your mind about isolation, almost with me. I would really prefer dying with you than dying with out you. I promise you, i will be here until May. Even if you don't answer, just for the hope you are there. I would like to tell you that i have strenght to wait more, but i'm a suicidal too.

When you want, you can answer me back. You no need to sorry anything. I accepted this way. In fact, you are the best what could happen to me.

 

[Adûnâi]

Cute! What is the gif from? I wish I could save it, but it's impossible.

 

[Doemu]

My love, i'm going to respect your wish, and i'm going to try it. But i want to try it with you.

I'm taking my self to voluntary confinement into a mental hospital right now. I know i told until may, but if i don't do this probably i won't last today.

Please, if you can make it, if you survive april, i really want to try it with you.

You deserve being loved, please don't forget that. You are the best i evet meet.

 

[Doemu]

If I could have a wish, only one, I would ask to being with you. You deserve be loved. I chosen to love you, so it's fine. Whatever it happens, you are who I have in my heart

Wherever you are, is my home. May we build a home for both together? I really want it.

I'm not giving up on you, I hope you know. And the good memories, doesn't need to be stop. That's why I'm going to keep writing to you here, and sending cute and nice things to enjoy.

Even if you think you don't deserve, please be selfish enough to allow me give you my love, and I will be that selfish too, then we could love each other and be happy together.

Thank you for existing.

 

[Doemu]

I love you to much, that I tried to save you showing that I want everything with you, and then you tried to save me pushing me away.

 

[Doemu]

I don't how to do it with out you my love. How to live when my reason to live could be dead.

It's even possible I love someone again how I love you? I really doubt it. Every breath of air I take, is the love I got for you.

I really want to be with you, for ever.

I bring you here one song, you will know what I try to mean. I'm really glad that above all space and time, I could have the chance to meet you.

Sincerely yours, Doemu.

Spoiler: Hatsune Miku Song

 

[Worndown]

Cute! What is the gif from? I wish I could save it, but it's impossible.

If you open the gif in a separate screen, you might see a download icon at the top of the window.

 

[Adûnâi]

If you open the gif in a separate screen, you might see a download icon at the top of the window.

I became a filthy phone user for 10 sec and downloaded it, thanks ^^

I bring you here one song, you will know what I try to mean. I'm really glad that above all space and time, I could have the chance to meet you.

This Hatsune Miku song is pure heaven! I keep forgetting how good it can get. Uploaded it to my BitChute account, too!

Regarding your case - do you have a blog, or a page retelling your tale? It has some remarkable points, the breaking of taboos, magic...

How did you meet? What did you talk about? Does she simply have a terminally low sense of self-worth? Is it due to abuse? Why do you love her?

It's somewhat reminiscent of my own story... If it were properly written, that is. But I'm a desperate incel, and I never even saw her face or heard her voice (if she could speak), so it's more of a mockery. Whereas you must have experienced it in full? I cannot even imagine what it would feel like! And you didn't get bored after 6 years?

What are the main arguments for and against suicide for you and her? Why do you want her to live so passionately? (Aside from apparently obeying her order not to follow her? - Did she command you so explicitly?)

In my case, I outright suggested her to stop talking to me if she didn't like it, but then she ghosted me without a word. And yet I still felt roughly the same as you do.

With the caveat that I wouldn't necessarily prefer her to change her mind. After all, life and death are all the same, and the only point would be to make it look aesthetic - with the concessions to the mundane and the low-skilled (such as eating and bungling).

Have you ever thought of artificial general intelligence changing the cards? Or is waiting a few years too long a term for either?

Has she ever mentioned remembering her name while living? Is it important for her to be remembered?

We exchanged names which I never heard anyone do, and on two occasions she said she didn't want me to die in a war (the chance is rather low), so that's the closest I got to your experience. And now I have written her name on a piece of paper and put it on an improvised altar. I did not reach out to her before her designated day of death because I thought it impolite. You said you're hesitant about dealing with the dead, but I'm just trying to do something in case she has had no funeral? Even though I'm so clumsy and lazy... I wish I could have died instead, and wished for it seven times over...

A few songs from her playlist.

Spoiler: Hated by Life Itself. / Kanzaki Iori (Covered by KOBASOLO & Aizawa)

Spoiler: 【来日公演決定】Fine On The Outside / プリシラ・アーン スタジオジブリ映画『思い出のマーニー』主題歌

Spoiler: It's okay to be unhappy all your life - Mafumafu

Also a cute song.

Spoiler: [AMV] A Whisker Away OST - Ghost in a Flower (ENG SUB)

 

[Doemu]

I have no trouble talking about my self, but I won't reveal some to much personal things about her and me. I respect her to much.

I have a book, that I never made public about how to training in magic, it's in Spanish. I guess I should translate it and delete my name before sharing.

I can tell you I love her because is the cutest, lovely, kindest girl I seen. She is smart, to much. Smart enough to use my own words to give me coded messages. She is perfect to me, all her personality I love it.

Both we knew the kind of life we could have together, and that would be wonderful if wasn't cause we are suicidals. That's why we once overcamed all our fear, loved each other with out reserve.

I'm just trying to have more time with her, whatever that time is. If it's a week okey, of it's all our life's okey.

I can tell you my arguments: having more memories together. I would never stop her, I just want to live or die with her. I love her to much to try something like not respecting her choice.

She told me what she knew that she had to tell me to keep me alive. I'm going to try it, but I really don't know if I can really do it, no with out her.

I don't care about IA, no one will replace her. I will find her, even if I have to travel in reincarnations to be finally able to live happy with her.

Is important to her that I try to be happy. I'm pretty sure she not need to ask to remember her. I'm gonna love her and remember her the rest of my life and even more.

Yes, we exchanged names, and I sent her a pic of me, and I sent some audio messages. What she sent to me, I love it.

I couldn't never have the courage to disturb her death, if she do ctb. I respect to much. I don't care what I can or know to do about the afterlife. She will is sacred to me.

Thanks for the songs, I hope she can see this post, and enjoy it. I will keep making it, even if I can't know.

In fact, I don't wana do anything else.

I will keep this vent to her. I wana her could read this post, when she is ready and know I'm here.

I want to she only just need to say "Hi" and all would be fine.

I want to she forgive herself, even if I can't forgive myself. I just can't care no more cause I love her to much, so I will keep my sins with me.

 

[Doemu]

Today I dreamed, I dreamed that I found you. And when I was going able to talk to you, return to you, I waked up.

I waked up again with out you. I wish I could dream more with you, now, tomorrow, the rest of my life and forever.

You are my best dream.

 

[Doemu]

Sorry my love.
Sorry for being so weak.
Sorry for needing you so much.
Sorry for can't being able to live by myself.
Sorry for being a unforgivable sinner.
Sorry for I couldn't help you.
Sorry for being a coward and waste our time to make memories.
Sorry for crying terrified about losing you.
Sorry for trying to kill myself before telling you to be with me.
Sorry for can't keep my self alive as your last wish.
Sorry for still loving you.

This will be my last message here.

I'm also self-banning.

I'm writing the book, I'm going into therapist, I'm going to try it love. I promise you I'm going to try it my best.

I will keep your last wish as hard as I can. So please, just promise me you one thing to me.

Talk to me if you really want to do it. Get all the courage and do it. Only good things will happen, I promise.

Meanwhile I have our picture on discord, no matter how much years have passed, I'm still yours.

So please, take your time, and we will start our own history, and if you wonder, together.

Spoiler: Only for my love

Doemu#1769

 

[Adûnâi]

How could I forget? I'm so sorry for not sharing this before. This is exactly about your case! I see your account still hasn't been deleted, so you might read it? (Feel free to ignore if it's irrelevant.)

The final letters of a prisoner about to be executed at the end of World War 2

Back when I was much younger I stumbled across an old, dusty book called, “Dying We Live”, edited by Helmut Gollwitzer and published originally in 1956, which published the final letters of imprisoned leftists in Nazi Germany who were about to be executed by the state. I wasn’t very political at...

neofeudalreview.substack.com

 

[Buh-bye!]

I'm also self-banning.

did you ?

 

[Doemu]

My love, it's my time. I couldn't wait more today i will die. Thanks for the memories and the beautiful person you are.

 

[Adûnâi]

I'm still monitoring this thread! Best wishes! In life, or in death!

 

[Doemu]

Have been into psyward.

I had a date with death, but I couldn't go.

I really wana date you

 

[xinino]

Who said that love and suicide can't coexist? Me and my love Nicky Land just devoleped humanity demise ideology.

 

[Doemu]

My love, i know with month is crucial. I really know.

I want to let you know i'm not leaving you, i'm not giving up on you.

If my doom is being here silently screaming for my love until the end of my days, that will be.

But until that day, i'm still here. I will be here.

I want to bring to you a song i really like, and hope you like it too