goodoldnoname923
Wanting to find peace
- Mar 28, 2024
- 834
Them "Why are you expecting me to answer you? I don't know what you want from me but I can't give it to you. If you wanted a friend you will not find one by talking to me"
Me "Ouch...so what your saying is your done with me?
I mean you said you felt comfortable with me what changed?"
Them "You only felt comfortable be I was afraid of change and I realised that I want change because I feel so much happier than the time when I was talking to you
Besides you think you can get away with saying things you definitely shouldnt
You should be blocked tbh
My gf doesn't like u"
Me "I don't think i should get away with saying shit really i dont...but I appreciate you giving me your honest feelings
I don't want or mean to hurt people really i mean that genuinely...why do i keep doing it idfk i keep trying to figure that out and fix shit but i seemingly cant And afraid of change in what sense?"
Them "I don't think you take any responsibility for your behaviour or atleast not as much as you should"
Me "Maybe your right about that..."
Them "You can blame it on whatever but that won't make things change"
Me "Yea.."
Them "I don't even know if your gonna take me advice or twist it or ignore it"
Me "People tell me shit and it never seems to go in your right"
Them "Then what's the point in talking? I'm wasting my time And I mean some people's advice shouldn't be listened to
But Idk Get therapy"
Me "I'd argee with that too...sometimes i take really shit advice not talking about you and i have really i have
I got therapy when she left but it hasn't helped at all
My therapist genuinely gave up on me because i was that bad...I'm serious she transferred me"
Them "Maybe bc you didn't listen?"
Me "I'm genuinely suffering...but at the same time all i do is make others suffer..and i did
I really did and I'm really trying
I know there is something wrong with me... the fact i've been blindsighted to that for years is beyoud me but i'm getting to a stage where i think can i really be fixed…..i don't know if i can anymore and in a way i in part deserve alot of this shit What hurts me more is i know there is a part of you that cares.. and i know there is some good in me somewhere but its so overshadowed and buried by all the bad and horrible shit I possess its not even worth acknowledging anymore"
Them "Just keep trying with therapy"
Me "It's not fucking working,i'm still doing it btw and it costs a decent amount but honestly i don't believe it'll work anymore...i feel like I'm too far gone
And i don't want your sympathy (i mean part of me obviously does what i want more than ever is for people to tell me what i already know but can't face
I need people but all i do is hurt them...I can't be saved by others and I can't even save my fucking self...yet all i do is cry and beg..."
Them "Yeah, You're quite pathetic"
Me "i don't even believe my own words anymore because i've got tried of hearing them,and i'm more than pathetic I feel myself tearing up"
Them "Look I don't know how to help you, The only thing you can do is go to therapy"
Me "you can't help me…i know you want to but you cant"
Them "Do not tell yourself its not working, Do not quit"
Me "I've been trying betterhelp"
Them "I know what someone quitting therapy ends up like And it's not pretty."
Me "Can i get any worse than now?"
Them "Yeah,I mean you cowardly threaten to end your life and you can say its because you are too far gone but if that were the case you wouldn't tell anyone What you want is attention,Sympathy I know it sounds horrible"
Me "what i want is people to like me and care..."
Them "That isn't how you do it
That's basic common sense"
Me "And your right i talk about my shit too much"
Them "no, there is a difference"
Me "No but your right, if i really wanted to end it do i keep fucking talking about me..."
Them "Your scared to die
I was too I still am"
Me "..yea…but I can't be dishonest with you saying my tendencies haven't gotten worse...I'm terrfied"
Them "I don't tell people I'm going to kill myself."
Me "You just do it right?
I just dk if i can do it again lass,i know i say that alot but really Kimchi meant alot to me...and unknowingly i replaced her with blue...she's now gone and i feel like i'll only do the same thing again…and not only do i not want to go through that again its nit far on the poor soul i inflict that onto either... damage the people i like.. destory the ones i love"
Them "Then fix your fucking self before you go near anyone else Sort your shit out."
Me "But idk if i can...and I can't stand being alone"
Them "That's one issut you have to deal"
Me "I've been deprived of social interaction my whole life"
Them "That's not my problem"
Me "I never said it was"
Them "That's not anyone else's problem It's yours You must deal with it with a therapist"
Me "Now i feel your being
Unnecessarily cold"
Them "Or even on your own Because I don't want you to weasle into my life"
Me "..where have i heard those words before"
Them "Or deal with the depression you can't handle Or the attention seeking Or the narcissistic tendencies you have"
Me "You hate me don't you"
Them "maybe,who cares?"
Me "Everyone does don't they?"
Them "Stop seeking pity."
Me "No I'm not I'm genuinely asking"
Them "If you don't deal with your issues and keep putting them on to people Then yeah Probably. I'm surprised Blue lasted so long"
Me "I feel like you know more than your telling me but idk if thats the paranoia talking"
Them "I feel sorry for her"
Me "That fucking hurt.."
Them "It's true"
Me "That really fucking hurt
You know i cared about her...i even wanted her to open up but she never would…and maybe that was partially my fault"
Them "Then leave."
Me "No your right…..truth hurts"
Them "Deal with yourself Make friends after"
Me "You've talked to her haven't you.."
Them "they'll actually stay, No I haven't. She was your fucked up friendship not mine"
Me "Fair sorry. just echoing alot of what i've already heard so..i just figured...which i suppose says more about me"
Me "Ouch...so what your saying is your done with me?
I mean you said you felt comfortable with me what changed?"
Them "You only felt comfortable be I was afraid of change and I realised that I want change because I feel so much happier than the time when I was talking to you
Besides you think you can get away with saying things you definitely shouldnt
You should be blocked tbh
My gf doesn't like u"
Me "I don't think i should get away with saying shit really i dont...but I appreciate you giving me your honest feelings
I don't want or mean to hurt people really i mean that genuinely...why do i keep doing it idfk i keep trying to figure that out and fix shit but i seemingly cant And afraid of change in what sense?"
Them "I don't think you take any responsibility for your behaviour or atleast not as much as you should"
Me "Maybe your right about that..."
Them "You can blame it on whatever but that won't make things change"
Me "Yea.."
Them "I don't even know if your gonna take me advice or twist it or ignore it"
Me "People tell me shit and it never seems to go in your right"
Them "Then what's the point in talking? I'm wasting my time And I mean some people's advice shouldn't be listened to
But Idk Get therapy"
Me "I'd argee with that too...sometimes i take really shit advice not talking about you and i have really i have
I got therapy when she left but it hasn't helped at all
My therapist genuinely gave up on me because i was that bad...I'm serious she transferred me"
Them "Maybe bc you didn't listen?"
Me "I'm genuinely suffering...but at the same time all i do is make others suffer..and i did
I really did and I'm really trying
I know there is something wrong with me... the fact i've been blindsighted to that for years is beyoud me but i'm getting to a stage where i think can i really be fixed…..i don't know if i can anymore and in a way i in part deserve alot of this shit What hurts me more is i know there is a part of you that cares.. and i know there is some good in me somewhere but its so overshadowed and buried by all the bad and horrible shit I possess its not even worth acknowledging anymore"
Them "Just keep trying with therapy"
Me "It's not fucking working,i'm still doing it btw and it costs a decent amount but honestly i don't believe it'll work anymore...i feel like I'm too far gone
And i don't want your sympathy (i mean part of me obviously does what i want more than ever is for people to tell me what i already know but can't face
I need people but all i do is hurt them...I can't be saved by others and I can't even save my fucking self...yet all i do is cry and beg..."
Them "Yeah, You're quite pathetic"
Me "i don't even believe my own words anymore because i've got tried of hearing them,and i'm more than pathetic I feel myself tearing up"
Them "Look I don't know how to help you, The only thing you can do is go to therapy"
Me "you can't help me…i know you want to but you cant"
Them "Do not tell yourself its not working, Do not quit"
Me "I've been trying betterhelp"
Them "I know what someone quitting therapy ends up like And it's not pretty."
Me "Can i get any worse than now?"
Them "Yeah,I mean you cowardly threaten to end your life and you can say its because you are too far gone but if that were the case you wouldn't tell anyone What you want is attention,Sympathy I know it sounds horrible"
Me "what i want is people to like me and care..."
Them "That isn't how you do it
That's basic common sense"
Me "And your right i talk about my shit too much"
Them "no, there is a difference"
Me "No but your right, if i really wanted to end it do i keep fucking talking about me..."
Them "Your scared to die
I was too I still am"
Me "..yea…but I can't be dishonest with you saying my tendencies haven't gotten worse...I'm terrfied"
Them "I don't tell people I'm going to kill myself."
Me "You just do it right?
I just dk if i can do it again lass,i know i say that alot but really Kimchi meant alot to me...and unknowingly i replaced her with blue...she's now gone and i feel like i'll only do the same thing again…and not only do i not want to go through that again its nit far on the poor soul i inflict that onto either... damage the people i like.. destory the ones i love"
Them "Then fix your fucking self before you go near anyone else Sort your shit out."
Me "But idk if i can...and I can't stand being alone"
Them "That's one issut you have to deal"
Me "I've been deprived of social interaction my whole life"
Them "That's not my problem"
Me "I never said it was"
Them "That's not anyone else's problem It's yours You must deal with it with a therapist"
Me "Now i feel your being
Unnecessarily cold"
Them "Or even on your own Because I don't want you to weasle into my life"
Me "..where have i heard those words before"
Them "Or deal with the depression you can't handle Or the attention seeking Or the narcissistic tendencies you have"
Me "You hate me don't you"
Them "maybe,who cares?"
Me "Everyone does don't they?"
Them "Stop seeking pity."
Me "No I'm not I'm genuinely asking"
Them "If you don't deal with your issues and keep putting them on to people Then yeah Probably. I'm surprised Blue lasted so long"
Me "I feel like you know more than your telling me but idk if thats the paranoia talking"
Them "I feel sorry for her"
Me "That fucking hurt.."
Them "It's true"
Me "That really fucking hurt
You know i cared about her...i even wanted her to open up but she never would…and maybe that was partially my fault"
Them "Then leave."
Me "No your right…..truth hurts"
Them "Deal with yourself Make friends after"
Me "You've talked to her haven't you.."
Them "they'll actually stay, No I haven't. She was your fucked up friendship not mine"
Me "Fair sorry. just echoing alot of what i've already heard so..i just figured...which i suppose says more about me"
