Help To live - Inherently to be evil? Self-immolation as a protest agains evolution.

[Sanguinius]

How can I ease this pain, if I dont have to feel that way?

@Rollo
Thanks a lot for your anwers... They're helping me a lot, I see hope...

 

[dyingtodie]

I don't want to lessen anyone's hope but my understanding is that we are experiencing a mass extinction on planet Earth, the 6th one, this one was likely caused by or made worse by our species.

I'm exhausted now, but want to share before it's too late. I resonate with Sanguinis. I live about 30 min. from town, 15 to groceries, I've been avoiding going out because I have to burn fuel at 15mpg to go anywhere, as the hills are so steep here, biking is unfeasible. I reluctantly drove to buy groceries recently, and on the way home, a beautiful owl-like bird flew up from it's perch, and ctb right on my windshield. If I knew that was gonna happen, I just might have starved myself or used a rope...I don't even want to fucking be alive, (because Earth has turned into a horror show) and to continue existing, I have to brutally murder innocent animals? My example is extreme in that I killed this flying beast. (a month earlier, a turtle :( it was soo small I didn't see him!) But driving anywhere, consuming food, there's a price to all of this. Some being, some where suffered. Maybe a bomb fell on their head in the mid-east. Maybe a little bug got crushed, there is huge variance, but to be alive (in our modern insane asylum of a planet) is basically to kill... So...hmm... And yeah I could live in the city, be a wage slave to afford rent there, and have my brains fried out by the microwave radiation bombarding every city just about, so that's a non-option...and a painful way to die.

Don't set yourself on fire please. But I have heard it's possible to use a kind of legal firework type chemical that causes rapid heating and could be less painful, thermite i think? I sure would love myself to make a red hot statement if I thought it worth-while (not that I think it would have any effect but to traumatize people, or to 'sing to the choir') ...everything is changing everything all the time...regardless of how we ctb. But, funny, a man was protesting climate change in town by meditating, fasting...yeah...big effect that's gonna have, I mean I sure would love to think so...but perhaps setting oneself aflame is a more apt description of the state of our burning planet (which I so want people to comprehend)...and would more accurately reflect my feelings leading up to the bus.

I'm so affected by chemicals, noise, people that it has really become a hellish experience to be here. I mean, I never dreamed in catholic school that hell could be this hellish. All the best to everyone, safe journeys. As a sensitive empathic person I just don't see how the heck to survive here in this isolated desolated space...and I been trying 16 years real hard, like sam jackson...been trying, real hard.

 

[Sanguinius]

I don't want to lessen anyone's hope but my understanding is that we are experiencing a mass extinction on planet Earth, the 6th one, this one was likely caused by or made worse by our species.

I'm exhausted now, but want to share before it's too late. I resonate with Sanguinis. I live about 30 min. from town, 15 to groceries, I've been avoiding going out because I have to burn fuel at 15mpg to go anywhere, as the hills are so steep here, biking is unfeasible. I reluctantly drove to buy groceries recently, and on the way home, a beautiful owl-like bird flew up from it's perch, and ctb right on my windshield. If I knew that was gonna happen, I just might have starved myself or used a rope...I don't even want to fucking be alive, (because Earth has turned into a horror show) and to continue existing, I have to brutally murder innocent animals? My example is extreme in that I killed this flying beast. (a month earlier, a turtle :( it was soo small I didn't see him!) But driving anywhere, consuming food, there's a price to all of this. Some being, some where suffered. Maybe a bomb QUOTE]

Yes.... Thank you for your answer....

Why should it be too late?
Do you feel this mental pain too?
I wont set myself on fire, I'd rather jump. I don't really want to traumatisise other people, deep down in my heart.

 

[Rollo]

How can I ease this pain, if I dont have to feel that way?

See the thing is there's no 'how' here. There are no actions that you can perform with the goal of easing this pain, and then wake up next morning to see the result - the pain easened. Like when you have physical pain and take a pain-killer. This pain is self-perpetuated and there's part of you that this pain speaks to. The desire to shed the pain, to be in comfort, even though it's basically all you want for yourself, still if you go by it alone without using a filter of what trully needs to be done (which may be painful), then it won't get you far.

Making choices and having Internal conversation about those is the only path here. And I suggest that the first topic of this conversation is the choice of putting your interests above those of others. After all the pain's only functional aspect is to make you put interests of others above yours. For example in any given moment you have a basic choice. To attend to other beings needs, to think of their needs, to do something about their needs OR to attend to your needs, to think about your needs, to do something about your needs. Like to stretch your muscles or read something interesting or have an ice-cream or do something else strictly for yourself. Instead of thinking about the suffering of others and about what you can do to lessen it.

I personally strongly believe it's ok for anyone to make such a choice and I encourage you to do it. Still in the end it's up to you to make all the decisions, without looking back at what I or anyone else thinks.

 

[okyeah]

Some lawyer committed suicide by burning himself alive for gay rights. No one really paid attention to his message of protest - they just saw a mentally ill guy killing himself.

Burning urself alive is probably not a smart move

 

[Rollo]

I don't even want to fucking be alive, (because Earth has turned into a horror show) and to continue existing, I have to brutally murder innocent animals?

You don't have to be horrified but if you are then Earth has always been a horror show. The only place ever that was and is anything but a horror show - this place is imaginary, like cartoons for children. I don't dispute your right to like aimals, respect animal life and to consider them pure and innocent, still one thing they are hardly innocent of is brutal murder. Although the very idea of 'innocence' is a loaded one.