bluegodism
the rose is blue 🌹💙
- Nov 26, 2023
- 119
I did the partial hanging test twice. Both times it went very well. In one of them I almost fainted and I dropped my scarf just before, and in the other I became unconscious, literally saw black in less than 10 seconds and woke up with my whole body numb and feeling very hot.
I try to avoid killing myself. I avoid it for my girlfriend, who is the most precious and loving person I've ever known. But I really want to do it, very much.
So sometimes I see these tests as a "sign" that I should just go ahead. I'm Brazilian, here we have an expression that is "to have the knife and the cheese in hand". This means "to have everything you need to succeed". That's how I feel. I know I wouldn't regret it. I have my spirituality and I'm quite calm regarding my final moments and afterlife. However, I don't want her to suffer, so I'm staying. I don't know for how long, but i'm staying. I just can't stop wanting to kill myself.
PS: I'm not posting this for someone to come and tell me what I should or shouldn't do. That's not the purpose of the forum, much less my post. I'm just sharing my thoughts. Thank you for reading
I try to avoid killing myself. I avoid it for my girlfriend, who is the most precious and loving person I've ever known. But I really want to do it, very much.
So sometimes I see these tests as a "sign" that I should just go ahead. I'm Brazilian, here we have an expression that is "to have the knife and the cheese in hand". This means "to have everything you need to succeed". That's how I feel. I know I wouldn't regret it. I have my spirituality and I'm quite calm regarding my final moments and afterlife. However, I don't want her to suffer, so I'm staying. I don't know for how long, but i'm staying. I just can't stop wanting to kill myself.
PS: I'm not posting this for someone to come and tell me what I should or shouldn't do. That's not the purpose of the forum, much less my post. I'm just sharing my thoughts. Thank you for reading
