Inferdan
Meeting the first minor relapse after recovery
- Nov 3, 2019
- 450
Lost in a fog that I can see in.
Closed scars and opened wounds, bleeding unshed tears, hidden behind a mask that I must painfully hold.
It slips, bit by bit. The storm in my mind rages on, the turmoil sending my racing thoughts into an indecipherable, bundled mess. The past and present, hatred, pain, and confusion, all interwoven into a ball that can't be picked apart.
My feelings are unknown. I am good and bad. Happy and sad. Sane and insane. They all float together, some taking up more space than others. Right now, the pain is twirling with the "me being ok" feelings, swirling slowly and smoothly, an uncomfortable feeling rubbing roughly inside. The pulse of my heart pumps heavily, and my head throbs to the beat.
I don't know much about myself anymore. My drive and energy dwindles thin. Life toys with me, tantalizing me we hopes of living or dying, then throwing me right back with something that puts me off the idea. I've said this many times, and I feel horrible saying it again, as if it were an empty promise that won't ever be fulfilled...I have to decide. I absolutely have to. For how longer can I go on in this chaotic fog that blinds everything but my eyes. May the planets align and give me the miracle of liberation by guiding me to the truth of my desires.
Felt like writing like this...
Hope everyone's day gets better, even by the slightest. Cherish the little things. It's all we have left.
Closed scars and opened wounds, bleeding unshed tears, hidden behind a mask that I must painfully hold.
It slips, bit by bit. The storm in my mind rages on, the turmoil sending my racing thoughts into an indecipherable, bundled mess. The past and present, hatred, pain, and confusion, all interwoven into a ball that can't be picked apart.
My feelings are unknown. I am good and bad. Happy and sad. Sane and insane. They all float together, some taking up more space than others. Right now, the pain is twirling with the "me being ok" feelings, swirling slowly and smoothly, an uncomfortable feeling rubbing roughly inside. The pulse of my heart pumps heavily, and my head throbs to the beat.
I don't know much about myself anymore. My drive and energy dwindles thin. Life toys with me, tantalizing me we hopes of living or dying, then throwing me right back with something that puts me off the idea. I've said this many times, and I feel horrible saying it again, as if it were an empty promise that won't ever be fulfilled...I have to decide. I absolutely have to. For how longer can I go on in this chaotic fog that blinds everything but my eyes. May the planets align and give me the miracle of liberation by guiding me to the truth of my desires.
Felt like writing like this...
Hope everyone's day gets better, even by the slightest. Cherish the little things. It's all we have left.
