Venting tired

[overitbro]

i come on here to talk to myself at this point lmao.

but anyways, i've been deep in thought about when i actually want to ctb. i've been bedridden for 2 weeks at this point, no one cares to talk to me or reach out. i gave an honest effort to see a couple people from high school, but it fell through like usual. it's funny how plans with other people never seem to fall through for them, but i just chalk it up to it being something i'm doing wrong. idk i'm just tired of trying. i wanted to wait until after thanksgiving so i don't make anyone overly sad, but idek if i can hold out until then. i feel selfish. it's complicated because no one cares right now, but as soon as i'm gone everyone will, and that's what i feel bad about. but then again, why feel bad? i've been crying out for help for years now, i've faced everything and i mean EVERYTHING on my own.

maybe i'll say fuck it and do it before thanksgiving. i've been thoughtful and considerate of everyone my whole life, and the only thing i've learned is that people will take advantage of it. maybe it's time to finally make a choice for me and me alone.

 

[KeyTheBlooper]

Social isolation is the worst. I'm genuinely sorry you're going through this. I think I understand how you may feel. I have chronic pain issues that keep me in bed and lots of trauma that seems to have isolated me from being in community. I'm here to talk if you want.