Venting tired

[keroppsi]

I remember thinking the most depressed I'd ever be was when I wasnt fearful of the made up monsters under my bed. I wasn't fearful of the darkness and the murderers lurking in it, I was hoping to god that they'd take me away so I wouldn't have to myself. I'm tired of biting my nails stressing over whats in the afterlife. If god was real would he allow this? would he allow me to hate myself with every fiber of my being? I can cross going to heaven off the list of what may happen after I die. I'm tired of living for other people I'm tired of cutting myself just to get some type of feeling im tired of looking in the mirror and sobbing I'm tired of having no social life I'm tired of it all.

 

[zeek]

I feel the same. I know He is most merciful. but I know that He will not forgive me if I do go through with it. I've accepted that if I do this it really is over, there is no salvation.

 

[feder]

I'm sorry that you have to go through all this, it seems really tough. Cutting to feel at least something is super relatable, it almost feels like you are not real and the cutting is trying to prove that you are. I hope everything works out for you whatever you choose to do and you are not in pain anymore!

 

[Enlighten]

I remember thinking the most depressed I'd ever be was when I wasnt fearful of the made up monsters under my bed. I wasn't fearful of the darkness and the murderers lurking in it, I was hoping to god that they'd take me away so I wouldn't have to myself. I'm tired of biting my nails stressing over whats in the afterlife. If god was real would he allow this? would he allow me to hate myself with every fiber of my being? I can cross going to heaven off the list of what may happen after I die. I'm tired of living for other people I'm tired of cutting myself just to get some type of feeling im tired of looking in the mirror and sobbing I'm tired of having no social life I'm tired of it all.

Hey OP, i'm sorry you feel this way. I would however try to view it from a rational viewpoint: Your consciousness is born as your brain matured, so it dies when your brain dies. Therefor, i wouldn't worry about the afterlife so much. If you want someone to talk to, i'd love to talk with you.

 

[FuneralCry]

It's really understandable feeling so tired of suffering in this existence. In my case I just see existence as being a futile cycle of senseless cruelty and unnecessary suffering, I could never believe there is a God or deeper purpose behind existence. To me existence is just a horrific mistake and once we die we simply cease existing, those who no longer exist are at peace now.