ninevoltheart
Member
- Aug 13, 2023
- 25
first time posting. i think i've hit a wall in my life, completely. i've always had suicidal thoughts/ideations and been self-harming for years now, but this year has been the most difficult for me mentally. it's not like i have any good reasons to feel this way — i've been unemployed and stressed, but i've got someone who loves me and for the first time in a while i actually believe it. but i just want something to change, or i put an end to this entirely.
i don't think i want to die, i just want to be somebody else. or get out of this empty, monotonous existence. i don't feel excited or happy about things anymore, and everything that made me feel something ran out; now i'm just chasing highs that don't compare.
i think the only way i can feel true release is if i attempt. i'm scared of whats on the other side, but if i can get close enough to the edge, i'll finally be able to breathe.
i don't think i want to die, i just want to be somebody else. or get out of this empty, monotonous existence. i don't feel excited or happy about things anymore, and everything that made me feel something ran out; now i'm just chasing highs that don't compare.
i think the only way i can feel true release is if i attempt. i'm scared of whats on the other side, but if i can get close enough to the edge, i'll finally be able to breathe.