Venting Tired of people lying to me

[tapewormsinthestool]

Even as I tell someone that Im considering suicide again they lie to my face. They act like I don't know anything. They swear up and down that what I know isn't true or real, it's bullshit.

The fuckass therapist I can barely afford is useless. I get nothing from taking time out of my day to meet with her. I know I'm a horrible person and no one wants to admit it to my face. The one motherfucker who bothers to stick around insists that everything's great and cool between us despite so clearly being fed up with me. They probably even want to hurt me.

Pretending to like me is so much fucking worse than just saying it to my face because now I look like a paranoid schizophrenic making connections for things that aren't even there. i don't know what to do anymore

 

[Wrath]

That's what my dad does. He just denies everything to my face and says stuff like, "well, I couldn't predict how MY life was going to turn out! So you don't either!". Excuse me divorced single father 60+ years old even though I'm not even 20 yet, his life was extremely predictable honestly.
Awkward foreigner -> school -> military (lol) -> late marriage when older -> miscarriage (didn't take this as a warning) -> mentally ill children -> don't hang out with children because too old -> child kills themselves -> other child kills themselves -> ???
The end.

He keeps lying to me and to himself. Choosing to forget what I talked about just yesterday. I know that he doesn't have dementia or something like that because even in the frame of 5+ minutes he will forget, but conveniently only the things he didn't want to talk about. Great. It makes me feel like I'm crazy or something. When you said "I look like a paranoid schizophrenic making connections for things that aren't even there.", it sounded very similar to the ways people usually treat me too. Thanks for posting, it made me feel a little less alone.