weonaestupida
Member
- May 13, 2019
- 38
I've been feeling very tired, especially this year, I think is the phrase that I use the most "I'm tired"
This year I started studying in an University, the dream of my life but I can't feel good, and when I'm mentally stable I do everything to change that for the worse. I quit marihuana and a achieve almost seven months but I started to smoke like five days ago, also I've been drinking everyday. I know that those two things makes everything worse for my treatment but I'm tired. This year I cut myself more times than my whole life and once I did it in the bathroom of Uni. I'm tired.
Once I posted in the recovery forum saying that I felt so good and happy about my life and myself, but guess what, I was in the middle of a maniac episode, so it wasn't a real happiness.
I wish I had the guts to kill myself but I can't, at least now my desire it's not ctb but harm myself in any way possible. because the truth is that I hate myself and I'm a bad person but with me, not with the people that are in my life.
Having so many diagnosis and fighting with addiction my entire life has to have an end, maybe soon.
This year I started studying in an University, the dream of my life but I can't feel good, and when I'm mentally stable I do everything to change that for the worse. I quit marihuana and a achieve almost seven months but I started to smoke like five days ago, also I've been drinking everyday. I know that those two things makes everything worse for my treatment but I'm tired. This year I cut myself more times than my whole life and once I did it in the bathroom of Uni. I'm tired.
Once I posted in the recovery forum saying that I felt so good and happy about my life and myself, but guess what, I was in the middle of a maniac episode, so it wasn't a real happiness.
I wish I had the guts to kill myself but I can't, at least now my desire it's not ctb but harm myself in any way possible. because the truth is that I hate myself and I'm a bad person but with me, not with the people that are in my life.
Having so many diagnosis and fighting with addiction my entire life has to have an end, maybe soon.