Venting Tired of loneliness and self-hatred

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I feel really shitty today. I'm so tired of feeling like an absolute nothing. I hate myself so much I can't look at myself in the mirror or go out, I can't comprehend how people can talk to me without throwing up. I can't socialize. Yet I still can't accept the fact that I'll always be alone, that I've wasted my youth on self-hatred. I just don't know what to do, at this point I don't think that there is anything there for me, I'm a mistake and should have never been born. I don't know what to do.
The worst for me is that I can't stop being jealous of others, I wish I were anybody else but me. I can't look at other random people outside, all of them have something inside, something that makes them human, brings a smile on their face. Even if they have problems I still envy them. The majority of them have someone they could share their life with. And I can't. Because I'm the biggest fucking fuck up. No matter what I do I just can't change, i can't stop hating my own being.

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be tiring what you have to go through, I've always seen it as being for the best to be alone but I get that loneliness can be painful for many people. But anyway, best wishes.

 

[Marine]

I feel really shitty today. I'm so tired of feeling like an absolute nothing. I hate myself so much I can't look at myself in the mirror or go out, I can't comprehend how people can talk to me without throwing up. I can't socialize. Yet I still can't accept the fact that I'll always be alone, that I've wasted my youth on self-hatred. I just don't know what to do, at this point I don't think that there is anything there for me, I'm a mistake and should have never been born. I don't know what to do.
The worst for me is that I can't stop being jealous of others, I wish I were anybody else but me. I can't look at other random people outside, all of them have something inside, something that makes them human, brings a smile on their face. Even if they have problems I still envy them. The majority of them have someone they could share their life with. And I can't. Because I'm the biggest fucking fuck up. No matter what I do I just can't change, i can't stop hating my own being.

Sound exactly like my situation... There's another part of me who thinks I should be able to access everything I need including reparation but reality proves that wrong so far... I think it must be programmed self rejection / loathing because of developmental trauma but so far no effort to fix that in any direction has given any resultat whatsoever... I feel lost in a hell of lies without knowing the way out.

I'm currently attempting homeopathy (a year late but whatever) to restore balance to my body where the trauma may be stored regardless of my conscious thoughts but the people who prescribed it don't seem to be aware of the existential annihilation that lovelessness is and I don't know if it's going to yield any result when I'm so close to death again, though I really hope so.

There are a bunch of new holistic therapies I haven't tried yet either, nor hypnosis outside of the self type, so if I survive long enough maybe I'll try that too...

I don't know if any of that could help you... *comprehensive hugs*

 

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Sound exactly like my situation... There's another part of me who thinks I should be able to access everything I need including reparation but reality proves that wrong so far... I think it must be programmed self rejection / loathing because of developmental trauma but so far no effort to fix that in any direction has given any resultat whatsoever... I feel lost in a hell of lies without knowing the way out.

I'm currently attempting homeopathy (a year late but whatever) to restore balance to my body where the trauma may be stored regardless of my conscious thoughts but the people who prescribed it don't seem to be aware of the existential annihilation that lovelessness is and I don't know if it's going to yield any result when I'm so close to death again, though I really hope so.

There are a bunch of new holistic therapies I haven't tried yet either, nor hypnosis outside of the self type, so if I survive long enough maybe I'll try that too...

I don't know if any of that could help you... *comprehensive hugs*

Thank you, I'll look into it, doesn't hurt to try.
I really hope that you'll find something that helps you soon. People shouldn't have to fight to live in their own skin.
Wish you the best! (っ╹◡╹)っ⊂(╹ω╹⊂)

 

[WorthlessTrash]

I feel really shitty today. I'm so tired of feeling like an absolute nothing. I hate myself so much I can't look at myself in the mirror or go out, I can't comprehend how people can talk to me without throwing up. I can't socialize. Yet I still can't accept the fact that I'll always be alone, that I've wasted my youth on self-hatred. I just don't know what to do, at this point I don't think that there is anything there for me, I'm a mistake and should have never been born. I don't know what to do.
The worst for me is that I can't stop being jealous of others, I wish I were anybody else but me. I can't look at other random people outside, all of them have something inside, something that makes them human, brings a smile on their face. Even if they have problems I still envy them. The majority of them have someone they could share their life with. And I can't. Because I'm the biggest fucking fuck up. No matter what I do I just can't change, i can't stop hating my own being.

Sounds exactly like my situation. I have a very intense case of gender/sex dysphoria and hate myself because I wasn't born the sex I wanted to be. I am unsure of the reasons why you hate my appearance and self, but on some level, I am with you. I wish you the best.

 

[Huntfish34]

Yep..... thats Me as well, hatred.. Self hatred to the Max, makes me sick to my fckn stomach. I hate it.

You are Not alone, I wish you Nothing but the best. ♥