I'm tired of living.
In the 7th grade, there was this situation that happened with a boy in my grade. I don't remember what happened, largely because my mom did something traumatic to me during that time. I have a feeling she was involved in the situation that happened at the time in some way. I am not sure how, since I cannot access those memories due to trauma.
I have explained this to my dad. He prefers to think something's wrong with me and I think it's because it is painful for him to acknowledge that my mom did something traumatic to me while he was not in the house (he was in another state for work while I lived with my mom who was suffering from bipolar disorder).
I have explained this to mental health professionals and they prefer to believe that I'm the problem, even though there is evidence that that the situation happened and they could try and understand what happened (I believe it could be uncomfortable for them to acknowledge or it is not in their interest to acknowledge it (eg, the mental health professional's livelihood depends on telling their patients that their problems are genetic and it could be fixed with a pill)).
I'm done.
I have done my best to get all the possible help I need (eg, therapy, medication, in patient hospitalizations, outpatient programs, talking to my dad).
But, it's like moving in a hamster wheel. It always circles back to the same result, people not listening and/or understanding and me being in a crappy mental state.
There are people who say that they don't blame anyone for them wanting to die.
But, I blame the mental health system for not helping me, my mom for causing me trauma, and my dad for not wanting to listen to what I have to say.
Fuck you all.
In the 7th grade, there was this situation that happened with a boy in my grade. I don't remember what happened, largely because my mom did something traumatic to me during that time. I have a feeling she was involved in the situation that happened at the time in some way. I am not sure how, since I cannot access those memories due to trauma.
I have explained this to my dad. He prefers to think something's wrong with me and I think it's because it is painful for him to acknowledge that my mom did something traumatic to me while he was not in the house (he was in another state for work while I lived with my mom who was suffering from bipolar disorder).
I have explained this to mental health professionals and they prefer to believe that I'm the problem, even though there is evidence that that the situation happened and they could try and understand what happened (I believe it could be uncomfortable for them to acknowledge or it is not in their interest to acknowledge it (eg, the mental health professional's livelihood depends on telling their patients that their problems are genetic and it could be fixed with a pill)).
I'm done.
I have done my best to get all the possible help I need (eg, therapy, medication, in patient hospitalizations, outpatient programs, talking to my dad).
But, it's like moving in a hamster wheel. It always circles back to the same result, people not listening and/or understanding and me being in a crappy mental state.
There are people who say that they don't blame anyone for them wanting to die.
But, I blame the mental health system for not helping me, my mom for causing me trauma, and my dad for not wanting to listen to what I have to say.
Fuck you all.
