Tired of it all.

[bellaisdonewithlife]

I can barely change, I can't shower, I just have no dopamine. Some days it's hard to eat my favourite foods because I have anhedonia and can't feel pleasure from anything ever. I don't understand how someone can be born with such fucked up brain pathways. What a living hell of a life this has been… It's truly been my worst nightmare.

I think if I found someone in my city tomorrow who wants out, I'd be ready to carbon monoxide out of here right away. I really feel like I'm barely holding on some days lately and it really bothers me that I'm turning 30 next month. This past year all I've been thinking about is how badly I don't want to make it to 30. Maybe someone will finally exit with me.

I'm tired of going through the motions my whole life not being able to feel anything. I'm tired of the endless insomnia and fatigue I've had daily for years. I'm tired of the terrible incurable autoimmune illness I live with. Most of all I'm tired of being asexual, I've hated every second of it. I just want someone to help me exit so I can be at peace.

 

[SASU-KE]

I'm sorry you're struggling with so much for so long. I knew one person who had a few of the issues you did and they didn't make it past 20.

I hope things get better for you and you can find some peace and relief.

 

[SMG08ABUSER]

Anhedonia truly is a nightmare to experience. It's a subtle hell that most can't relate to unless experienced firsthand. I feel this all too
well in my daily life. On the surface, it would look like I am having a blast with friends and family, but deep down I feel nothing.

With whatever choice you make, I hope you find peace.