Venting Tired of faking it.

[img-phenix]

It's as the title says really, every day I have to spend hours to get out of bed, pretend I have been awake instead of rotting in bed, then be nice to others around me despite the second a word comes from their mouth I feel the need to punch something, and when I did lash out for once I got coddled like a child.
I watch as everything about my future is changed and decided without and input from me, and when I try to do anything about it I get shut down and made to look stupid.
If I get asked about something happening months ago I can never remember because of a stupid coping mechanism I made for myself as a child.
I've made the decision for myself to stop trying with others, every word out of my mouth is useless anyway so why waste the effort anymore, they would rather me disappear anyway so why not pretend until I'm finally able to, it's not like anybody cares for me, nor do I have the ability to care for them, there simply is no point.

 

[A Dream of a Dream]

Hello phenix.
I am sorry you feel so exhausted. Many of us know this feeling where we have to put on a good face even though we're feeling pretty tired inside. I've also lashed out at people close to me over small things because I was depressed and didn't have much in the tank in terms of emotional capacity.
What's been decided without your input?

 

[img-phenix]

Uni stuff, housing, lots of boring financial stuff really. People saying "we'll support you no matter what you pick" and then making it very clear they wanted you to pick something else. Hopefully I'll be able to CTB soon so they won't have to deal with me anymore.