Venting tired of being myself

[la vie était hier]

Hello. I am a regular teenager (m18) just living my life day in day out. There is nothing special that makes me think lets keep going tomorrow or the day after and so on. My interests have almost completely disappeared completely. I don't do sports anymore, I stopped reading, drawing meeting friends and sunk into a kind of addiction to my computer as where I just turn it on and enter this bubble where everything is fine for the time being online. I am fully aware of how bad this is for me but I simply don't have neither the will nor the power to change something. Also I rarely see friends and some of the most important persons have left my life and just ghosted me from one day to the other. Idk if I did something wrong but in the end my head will say so anyways. I tried to ctb before by strangulation but failed due to survival instinct.. I just don't know what to do anymore. sorry for this long ass paragraph but I needed to get this off my chest

 

[CloudyNightSky]

Don't be sorry for venting. I mean that's part of the reason why this website exist. Feel free to post things like this, especially if it makes you feel better. I can kinda relate, it's really depressing. I don't think I really live anymore I just exist but that's definitely not living what I'm doing here.