neverwashere
Self sabotaging to cope with it all
- Apr 25, 2023
- 73
On Monday I tried taking my own life via partial hanging in my room. Obviously, I failed. I was pretty serious about it until it came to actually leaning forward and staying in that position, because as soon as I started to black out I found myself automatically sitting up. I tried to force my way through it but I just couldn't. I still feel pretty bummed out and honestly kinda guilty too, but that isn't the point of this post.
The point is, how do I prevent my brain from making me sit up next time I attempt? Or should I just try to find a different method that SI won't interfere with as much? (If you're going to suggest SN, I've already decided that's out of the question. It's too hard for me to get all of the materials in a way my roommates wouldn't notice, and I have emetophobia meaning I'm scared of vomiting- a common side effect SN has on people, even with antiemetics.)
I've been considering jumping, since there's a nice 9-10 story tall bridge very close to where I live and I feel like its easier to jump than it is to slowly feel your consciousness fade for like a solid minute, but I also don't want some random innocent people to find my remains floating down the river the bridge goes over.
The point is, how do I prevent my brain from making me sit up next time I attempt? Or should I just try to find a different method that SI won't interfere with as much? (If you're going to suggest SN, I've already decided that's out of the question. It's too hard for me to get all of the materials in a way my roommates wouldn't notice, and I have emetophobia meaning I'm scared of vomiting- a common side effect SN has on people, even with antiemetics.)
I've been considering jumping, since there's a nice 9-10 story tall bridge very close to where I live and I feel like its easier to jump than it is to slowly feel your consciousness fade for like a solid minute, but I also don't want some random innocent people to find my remains floating down the river the bridge goes over.