Story Time passing by, manic thoughts/empty happiness?

[PoisonedOxygen]

So, long time no being on here. I have some thoughts or like, I don't know I think I just wanna talk too in general. Life has been ironically good, I had a job for a while, started going out, I'm even getting laid good. But I struggle with judging myself sometimes, that you know I'm 20 and I'm not on the same level as some people. They have stability, job, license and I'm still sitting everyday in home, no license, living with my mother and just ending school after dropping out years ago. Atleast I'm clean (2 years sober almost) but I still feel worse. Like a trash. I should do better. I always was a type of person that needs more and more, I'm never full. I also struggle with normal living, you know. I look at people on the street they have normal life, but I don't think it's enough for me. I mean we only live once I think, so i sometimes ask myself why not risk it all. And you know, since I can't find a job I might just go back to you know, stuff I know.. but I dont want to sell on the street (in a video game). I need money, fuck. Sometimes I go on dread and I look at the listings you know. I wish I was a man, you guys have so much easier. I mean, I'm finally not lonely, and I'm not depressed 24/7 but I don't know what I'm missing. I struggle with eating but generally it's been good I think. In my opinion I'm a little bit lazy I should do more, how do you guys fight with laziness? Since Vizzy ctb I sometimes think about him even tho we didn't know each other, do you guys do too?​

 

[timf]

Perhaps seeing something in your life over which you have control would help stabilize things. Some people cultivate a hobby, pursue a special interest, or do volunteer work. If you can carve out part of your life over which you have control, you might find the other parts of your life become more manageable.

 

[PoisonedOxygen]

Perhaps seeing something in your life over which you have control would help stabilize things. Some people cultivate a hobby, pursue a special interest, or do volunteer work. If you can carve out part of your life over which you have control, you might find the other parts of your life become more manageable.

I think this might help, I used to volounteer at the animal shelter, and actually my hobby is dogs. The problem occurs that I disengage and engage continously. Like I'm losing motivation. This appears through most of my life. But when I am motivated and doing work with my dog I feel better.