Time doesn’t matter

[Lily (Osako)]

It seems as though time no longer really matters when it comes to the day I'll ctb.
I have, as one person put it today, the practical issues to attend to, but in all actuality, it doesn't matter.
I'm sitting in my tub thinking about how if I could get really high on something and fall asleep and drown, it would be great.
I'm not worried about timing anymore.
Yes, there are the practical things I'd prefer to have done beforehand, mainly to make it easier on my son, but if I don't get to them and were to accidentally die, it would be okay.
This feels very liberating.

 

[PreussenBlueJay]

I've been obsessively thinking about how humanity pursues advancements in technology and infrastructure even though it will all crumble in the end. It's like the guy who plants the tree he won't live to see grow to a meaningful size. I hope your tranquility persists.

 

[Cathy Ames]

Yes. That is entirely liberating, isn't it?

 

[Lily (Osako)]

Yes. That is entirely liberating, isn't it?

I first noticed it the other day while I was driving in a terrible rainstorm. At first I was white-knuckling it, but then I realized if someone crashed into me, the only thing that would scare me was if they were hurt.
So I relaxed and just made sure that I was driving safely so I didn't hurt anyone else.

 

[jossstick]

I'm also thinking this way and it takes all the pressure off. There are some bits that need to be finished, but it's simply one piece of paperwork. The rest I'm doing as and when just to make it easier for other people. If it doesn't all get done, that's ok. And one day (very soon) I'll wake up and know that today is the day. I have everything ready, and it will just be whenever it is. Wishing you complete and utter peace

 

[Lily (Osako)]

I'm also thinking this way and it takes all the pressure off. There are some bits that need to be finished, but it's simply one piece of paperwork. The rest I'm doing as and when just to make it easier for other people. If it doesn't all get done, that's ok. And one day (very soon) I'll wake up and know that today is the day. I have everything is ready, and it will just be whenever it is. Wishing you complete and utter peace

I totally get you.
Wishing you freedom and peace as well.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

I first noticed it the other day while I was driving in a terrible rainstorm. At first I was white-knuckling it, but then I realized if someone crashed into me, the only thing that would scare me was if they were hurt.
So I relaxed and just made sure that I was driving safely so I didn't hurt anyone else.

You can wreck in an automobile and remain alive but paralyzed or with half one's face falling off but still alive.

Something so horrible like this beyond imagination can happen to any human or other animal at any time . Other examples are stroke , accident , parasites, homelessness , disease , grief, cancer , accident etc unbearable constant unending pain but still alive . Imo only the living can suffer pain so that's one reason I want Death = Nonexistence forever for "me".
To prevent some nightmare like homelessness or brain stroke is the main reason for my suicide but I have 100's of other reasons for killing this prison animal body i'm imprisoned in

 

[FuneralCry]

Nothing really matters at all, if you think about it. All things that bother us now will die with us. Things will be incapable of being important to us once we are gone. Life is just a temporary and meaningless distraction from the fact that we will all die eventually someday. To stay alive just means to prolong suffering all for the sake of it. Your feelings are understandable. I wish you relief.