Venting Thyrotoxicosis and my deal with emotions

[Irrumi]

I have Graves' disease in remission. But until it was discovered, I had a horrible episode at camp. I'm sorry, but I just felt like writing this somewhere. I didn't share the whole story with anyone.

I was 16 and I went to camp for the second time. The first time was great. But that summer I wasn't feeling well and had chronic pain. I was constantly depressed. But I didn't know it could be thyroid related. The trip was planned and of course I went. I told my parents that it was going to be okay.

For the first week, everything was "fine". But I was an outcast. It's not that everyone treated me badly, but I didn't make any friends and I was very lonely. I didn't feel like I was having as much fun as the first time. At the end of the week, I felt a lot worse. It was very hard for me to control my emotions, and I started crying a lot, going further into the woods.
And at the beginning of the week, I stayed in my room. I didn't have the energy to go to class. I told the counselors that I felt bad.

I had constant mood swings. I was hot and cold and had no energy at all. I just cried from the excess of emotions and waited for it to be over. But it didn't stop. The chronic pain was killing me. I told my parents and they said that they would go to the doctor and consult me about it.

I was just lying in my room the whole time. I was starting to feel like I had insects crawling all over me. I have a phobia of insects. Sometimes it seemed to me that if I looked quickly enough at the place where they were, I would be able to spot them.

I would go out to eat alone and no one would talk to me. It was a terrible feeling. It was like everyone had forgotten about me. The roommates were chatting merrily and didn't notice me. The counselors didn't talk to me, only sometimes asking me if I was getting better (no). I felt like I was going crazy. In fact I was going crazy. I could not control myself. I had been in control of my emotions my whole life and was restrained. But suddenly it was like I was sent by them. I hated my feelings and emotions. And even now I don't want to not feel anything at all.

After several days of hell my parents took me away. I got tested and found out about my illness. It seems strange that just an overabundance of hormones led to this condition. I don't think anyone would believe me if I told them how awful I really felt.

Every time I feel very strong emotions I get scared that it all came back.


Thank you for reading.

 

[whatevs]

I think these shitheads should have made an effort to spend some time with the ill person even if it was a bit of a bummer for them, but I'd say your experience being a young sick individual is completely normal. They are normally ignored or snubbed.

I hope that illness isn't tormenting you any more.

 

[brokensea]

Awe I'm sorry. I always made an effort to talk to anyone I saw by themselves when I was in school when I was younger. People shouldn't have to be alone like that. Sad how little kindness there is in the world

 

[Irrumi]

I think these shitheads should have made an effort to spend some time with the ill person even if it was a bit of a bummer for them, but I'd say your experience being a young sick individual is completely normal. They are normally ignored or snubbed.

I hope that illness isn't tormenting you any more.

I appreciate your reply, thank you

Awe I'm sorry. I always made an effort to talk to anyone I saw by themselves when I was in school when I was younger. People shouldn't have to be alone like that. Sad how little kindness there is in the world

I guess that's true

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds like a horrible experience. I just see it as being so awful how the human body can torture people to such great extents, this existence really is so cruel and nightmarish. I wish you relief.