Discussion Threshold/Point of No Return

[almaranthine]

What is your personal mental threshold, that point you pass to reach complete suicidal ideation, knowing full well there is no going back? Perhaps you have found yourself at this point before (as I have) and attempted, were found, "rehabilitated" and continued on... only to find yourself back to the same point, again. For me, it is a debilitating depression, all consuming. It strips me of all physical strength and motivation. I fall behind financially, attempt to drink and smoke, listen to music, inebriate myself enough to do art, only to find myself so dead inside, unable to feel any pleasure, until I am at a point where I lay down and do not move for days. This phase follows the comedown of "mania" wherein I realize the only reason I was confident and felt "good" was due to my manic state wherein I was delusional and nothing I thought was real. I don't want to feel anything anymore. It is such a shame and disappointment that it is not easier to leave this earth. I am nothing now. I'm here for good.

 

[FuneralCry]

I feel like for me, I will always be suicidal and there is no way that I could ever want to exist no matter what. For such a long time I have been stuck in a place of not wanting to be here yet feeling as though I am unable to do anything about it. Suicide is difficult for me personally and the fear of failure is what holds me back. I see existence as being both pointless and horrifying and I am not meant for this world. It is terrifying how things will likely get much worse. I'm sorry that you suffer so much. It really should be easier to leave this painful existence behind.

 

[outatime_85]

My existence never should have happened.

One didn't even want me to the point of not even naming me, and the other was hardly around. (Talk about trauma, learning a parent didn't want you, and barely seeing the other.)

I never understood the self-destructive and suicidal thoughts I had as a child (I think I was too young, and there was no internet at the time), and as a teen I began to experiment with those self-destructive thoughts by self-medicating, living fast and loose, thinking that some of my endeavors would cause my early demise, and some of them should have (some days I think I didn't try hard enough).

The way I think about my life now is that I have most likely been suicidal since a single digit age up to today (a long time) and while death is inevitable for everyone, my death when it happens may be viewed by some as far too early and by others as finally having found peace.

In a way, because I understand now what I learned about my coming into this world, the way I lived, the choices I made, I will most likely always think I should not exist, which means I will probably always be suicidal.

 

[redeyepiranha]

I guess it's just a logical conclusion of my life. I can't comprehend the idea of living approximately more 60 years, it boggles my mind. Lots of people complain about hardships of life every day, yet tell me it's all worth it, no pain, no gain etc, but ironically it makes me want to die even more, not stronger.

 

[eve2004]

I had reached that point a couple of years ago, then I had to go call my psychiatrist as a last ditch effort and he recognized my desperation and "saved me". He has been keeping me alive ever since...

 

[Euthanza]

Age, I don't want to get old never ever. 27 should be the ideal age for me to CTB but I failed unfortunately, I've been in bonus stage unlikely for almost 2 decades now. To be exact I won't reach 50, that's 7 years threshold but it will make more senses in 3-4 years

 

[universe]

As for you, my existence is an error of nature.
When I look at my life I tell myself that nothing is going right, nothing normal has happened. I saw myself dying a few years ago (white light, feeling of going up to the sky) and I regret so much that I didn't die at that moment. I was sure it was over for good and no. Basically it's like I'm already dead but I was forcibly attached to the ground by gravity. Like a helium balloon attached but desperately trying to ascend.

I'm tired of suffering, and I would so love to be able to leave easily, unfortunately I have the impression that society is doing everything to prevent suicides by overprotecting people, particularly in Europe.

 

[eternalflame]

I think my family being dead or becoming homeless.

 

[PleaseTakeMeAway]

I've been at my limit for a long time now.