Thread(ding) here is hard—is it because I’m suicidal?

[quietwater]

Hello, hello!
In this thread I'd like for people to share their own experiences or opinions, if they want.

Recently I have found myself coming back here. Years ago I used to find this forum really comforting because I knew I could talk about things I couldn't talk about any other way, and I still do. I still find comfort here, it's comforting knowing other people are like me and that I am seen in my pain and my ctb ideation.
Still, I can't find myself venting or posting a lot anymore.
I wonder why it is.
It's not like I'm recovering or anything, my life is getting worse, so why can't I find it in myself to post here? Is it because I'm worse? Because I don't have motivation and the only motivation I have is to try ctb?

Let me know if you feel the same or anything! I like these discussions. ^^

 

[dragonofenvy]

I feel very similarly, and for me I think it's because I've posted so much that I feel like a broken record. Sometimes I start trying to write a response or thread but just lose my train of thought because I can complain all I want, but what's actually going to happen if I complain? Nothing. It might be temporarily relieving but that's about it. I guess it feels pointless?

Do you feel similarly to this or is it just me?

 

[quietwater]

I feel very similarly, and for me I think it's because I've posted so much that I feel like a broken record. Sometimes I start trying to write a response or thread but just lose my train of thought because I can complain all I want, but what's actually going to happen if I complain? Nothing. It might be temporarily relieving but that's about it. I guess it feels pointless?

Do you feel similarly to this or is it just me?

I do feel similarly!

I haven't posted a lot here (I think) but I used to post more. Still, now I feel like it's pointless to write something, I don't know why. Everything is pointless, everything is useless.
I tell myself that it's because maybe I'm not in the right "mood", but is there really an appropriate mood? There wasn't before.

I feel like I'd just go in circles, I write my replies and then delete because I feel like they don't matter.

 

[tiramisu]

i joined this forum on june 1st and didn't post anything all month because i didn't feel like it, but i did read a few threads here and there.

 

[dragonofenvy]

I do feel similarly!

I haven't posted a lot here (I think) but I used to post more. Still, now I feel like it's pointless to write something, I don't know why. Everything is pointless, everything is useless.
I tell myself that it's because maybe I'm not in the right "mood", but is there really an appropriate mood? There wasn't before.

I feel like I'd just go in circles, I write my replies and then delete because I feel like they don't matter.

I think it's because in our case we have gone in circles. We both joined back in 2023. Both of our lives are getting worse. Maybe it's that knowledge that we were here so long ago and are in much deeper pain now that's causing the paralysis.

 

[Leyna]

I prefer the chat over the forum

 

[mangoroe]

Hello, hello!
In this thread I'd like for people to share their own experiences or opinions, if they want.

Recently I have found myself coming back here. Years ago I used to find this forum really comforting because I knew I could talk about things I couldn't talk about any other way, and I still do. I still find comfort here, it's comforting knowing other people are like me and that I am seen in my pain and my ctb ideation.
Still, I can't find myself venting or posting a lot anymore.
I wonder why it is.
It's not like I'm recovering or anything, my life is getting worse, so why can't I find it in myself to post here? Is it because I'm worse? Because I don't have motivation and the only motivation I have is to try ctb?

Let me know if you feel the same or anything! I like these discussions. ^^

I didn't make an account until like a day ago so I don't know if my 2 cents being out in will matter that much, but I did lurk this place a lot before making an account while simultaneously venting in private and enclosed spaces like my notes app or a locked account, and I would just get tired rambling about my depressed spiels to myself and just disconnect mentally, maybe it's something similar to that?

I also haven't been writing as much as I did in the past, also not because I'm getting better (in fact I'm probably getting worse) but it all just feels so pointless going on about it when I know no amount of screaming in the void can change my mindset or situation. To put it in more logical words I guess it feels like a "burn out" of some sorts?

 

[Nullm]

Sounds like depression

 

[l1ablemistakes]

I feel similarly. A lot of the time I feel like I'm shouting into the void, complaining about the same stuff over and over. I guess it's better than keeping it in my brain but I feel like even if I get one response, nobody really cares that much. I started a thread for all my rants and nobody really looks at it. I feel like nobody will care until I post my goodbye thread.

Nowadays I mostly use chat. It's more social and people actually respond.

 

[TAW122]

I think it is not uncommon for those who are really suffering and have very little energy (mentally and physically) to be able to post here. It does indeed take effort to make threads and posts on here, even on SaSu. Of course, this may be oversimplifying things a bit, but I've also had times where I just couldn't find a coherent thought, or whenever I did, it eludes me and then I end up thinking about the topic or thread that I wanted to write and whenever I get an epiphany or some thought that I feel it was worthy of making a thread (based on my own standards) then I make a post. So yes, it is true that whenever one is suicidal and has low energy, it does become a challenge to write a thread or post on here, and it is not indicative of a failing or so. It simply is hard to cope with IRL and one's personal situation while also getting on SaSu and having a meaningful thread or just anything.

 

[diospyros.kaki]

for me it's mostly because i don't actually have a setup lol, only vague plans and timelines as i need to take care of some things before actually CTBing

 

[Secro]

There is no better or worse; every person is different.

 

[SarahThrowsGin]

For me, I have ideas of a thread to post, but before I do, I always figure out that not many people will relate, and even if they do, I have become too conscious of sharing anything. It may have to do with the fact that I've shared in other places (not here, not suicide related) in 2025-2026, and then had fallout with the people I've shared something with. So I've become too aware of the cost of disclosing anything permanently (because it's Internet) with people who might leave me or who will not relate. It is simply negative experience of sharing, a lot of it recent, though being misunderstood follows me lifelong.

And yes, even when I'm not on forum, I feel suicidal. In fact it is when I feel worst that I usually don't log in.

 

[idfwlnh]

Personally, I kinda long to have somewhere, someone who'll listen to what ive got to say, my personal stories, complaint and stuff but
- firstly, I don't feel like posting, I don't really have energy or patience to js think all over my story and write it down
- secondly, contradicting my initial statement, I want to be heard but I don't like to talk about myself that much, esp things about my stories and my mental state

 

[morina]

I got tired after, like, a month, because I always wrote the same. Feels good to be seen for an immediate vent, but there is little of value I can share in the long term.