Thoughts and worries

[Looking4Answers]

So obviously we all have fucked up shit going on in our lives to be here, no judgment.

But we're all still human...do any of you have
1. A list of things you plan on doing before or on your last day?
2. Have any worries about when you're gone? Example I worry how my decision will affect my mom...or who will look after my dog and things like that

 

[lionetta12]

So obviously we all have fucked up shit going on in our lives to be here, no judgment.

But we're all still human...do any of you have
1. A list of things you plan on doing before or on your last day?
2. Have any worries about when you're gone? Example I worry how my decision will affect my mom...or who will look after my dog and things like that

I have zero worries about what happens when I'm gone, I just don't find it in me to care about it. I'll be gone, and most people will not care. I'd love to do my CTB abroad, doing one of the only things that make me feel something other than depression before I die. But I'm scared of failing and being hospitalized abroad (I have bad past experiences with this), that terrifies me.

 

[Looking4Answers]

I have zero worries about what happens when I'm gone, I just don't find it in me to care about it. I'll be gone, and most people will not care. I'd love to do my CTB abroad, doing one of the only things that make me feel something other than depression before I die. But I'm scared of failing and being hospitalized abroad (I have bad past experiences with this), that terrifies me.

Just so you know i wasnt meaning to imply there was a right or wrong answer.

I appreciate you chiming in

 

[Appletree]

1) not really. You?
2) I am extremly worried about my mom and grandmother, because I know it will break them. Even thinking of their reactions give me tears in my eyes. But sooner or later it has to happen.

 

[Looking4Answers]

1) not really. You?
2) I am extremly worried about my mom and grandmother, because I know it will break them. Even thinking of their reactions give me tears in my eyes. But sooner or later it has to happen.

1) not gonna lie, have a great meal would be nice. Some quality time with my dogs. And getting laid lol.

2) generally my sister, mom, grandma and dog. My wife too, but not sure she cares anymore.

 

[Appletree]

1) Haha, sounds like a good plan to me. Sorry about your wife. Getting laid by your wife someone else? :D (Sorry if this is not appropriate)
2) Yeah, doing this to our family really sucks. Its the main reason why I am still here. I hope my letter can take some pain away from them...

 

[FuneralCry]

All that would be important before I plan to leave this world is making sure that the method is successful and doesn't lead to failure. There is nothing that I would particularly want to do before I leave, everything in life is tiring to me and experiencing things only leads to more suffering, which is part of the reason as to why I want to leave in the first place.

Whatever happens in life after I'm gone is simply none of my concern as I won't be there to see it. One would need a consciousness to be able to care about anything. The fact that the dead have nothing to worry about is why the thought of non existence appeals to me so much.

 

[thebunny]

1. A list of things you plan on doing before or on your last day?
2. Have any worries about when you're gone? Example I worry how my decision will affect my mom...or who will look after my dog and things like that

1. not much, except for the regimen i need to follow. i wanted to go to a lot of places before i go, but i realised i have no one to do it with, which doesn't really make it a memory worth remembering. so, i've decided to go out in a mundane way. boring, right? oh, well.
2. of course, i have. i'm leaving this other half of me who's almost doing better. i worry about how my friends and family will react when they hear the news and how they'll move on from my death. i also worry about how my cat will be after. i mean, my cat was basically my son. i can't imagine him having a life without me.

despite such worries and guilt, i will still continue with my ctb plans.

 

[outrider567]

So obviously we all have fucked up shit going on in our lives to be here, no judgment.

But we're all still human...do any of you have
1. A list of things you plan on doing before or on your last day?
2. Have any worries about when you're gone? Example I worry how my decision will affect my mom...or who will look after my dog and things like that

1. No--just putting out the note and financial info
2. No--Only step-mother and 2 cousins will be left

 

[Sammie]

Yes, I have home repairs to make just so that my adult child would be able to sell it without having to do much, and could get the max what it's worth (because I have nothing else to leave behind). I also would want to get things around here organized, cleaned and pretty much packed up to make things even easier. I do care and worry about my family who are closest to me, but I'm slowly dying anyway and so ctb would only alleviate the suffering sooner. That said, I don't plan to ctb anytime soon but I often think about what would happen if I die unintentionally before I'm ready, well there would be nothing I could do then. We all eventually leave this world, and with that the people we love. Of course, there are assumptions that we won't die until old age or illness consumes us, and anything else is just a tragedy to those around us.

 

[IntoTheLight]

1. Nope, not at all.
2. Yes, and I hate myself for it. Only I myself am to blame for the situation that I got myself in, and it's not fair that other people have to suffer because of my own stupidity.

 

[makethepainstop]

As I despise my life and I'm suffering, nothing is worrying me about leaving. Save the fear of failure.

 

[highmaintenancebolt]

1. None. No plans. I wrote down all my passwords so that my family can use my computer/phone. I don't want my devices to just become paperweights lol. Other than that I have nothing else I wanted to do except maybe clean my room.
2. My mother is the reason I am alive on this hell world. I hope my death tortures her.

 

[onetapgandhi]

1. None. No plans. Yeah I deal with all the government stuff for the house and a logical thing would be to leave the passwords/usernames etc as such but No. I'll write a short suicide note. Take care of my SN regime and die. The part of me that would think about doing things on or before the "final day" is long dead. A husk of a man roams the earth in its place.
2. I have no worries. The people expected to be hurt by my absence are the ones who are pushing me towards it. I do have some unfinished works at my previous educational institutes and new employer will probably think why I am not picking up calls and my research mentors and 1 more person who I split night shifts with but sooner or later, they'll find out I guess

The person in me who thought or worried is already long dead. The soul is poisoned at this point. Just got to deal with the physical manifestation now.

 

[sevenkarmas]

1. I plan to box up my personal stuff. I remember the pain of going through stuff when my dad died. Plus, the acrimony that my wife is showing right now indicates she'll just abandon the home and items or pay someone to clear out everything. There are things I want to go to my brother that will probably just get thrown out.
2. I've been estranged from my family because of my wife for the last 10 years. It's not been adversarial, just separate because my wife doesn't like my family. I'll feel bad for my brother and mom, but honestly, we haven't been close in a while. I talk to them every other month. I also feel bad for my son. I know he's going to have it the worst. He is borderline on the spectrum, but functions really well. I've really been proud of how far he's come over the last several years (full time employment, taking responsibility for things). Because I was working so much, I haven't spent as much time with him as I would have liked. He's the only one that's kept in contact with me after my wife left. My wife and oldest are extremely bitter towards me. I don't want to hurt them, but I honestly don't think it will anyway.