Venting This world is fucking disgusting and i want to end everything

[quitefem]

I've been a loner since I was small. I remember myself when I was 3 and I always was alone. No friends, no anything. Just pure self isolation. I've been growing up like this and it FUCKED me up. The most friends I've ever had is like 4. Seriously. Throughout my whole life. I've been a shut in aka hikikomori since I was 8 or something. Absolutely nothing seems good to me now. Even opioids. Nothing brings me joy. I've been on antidepressants, antipsychotics, mood stabilizers. I've tried therapy too. This world is fucking messed up. I hate every single human being here including myself. I've been this way since I gained self consciousness. I want to die. But I still live just because I try to find hope in every single day I live on this damn planet.

 

[kouna]

This reminds me of a lyric from a song that I like and resonates with me .

- I'm sick of everything and everyone I don't want to be with anyone (means lover)
- I'm sick of everything and everyone but above all I'm sick of myself

 

[Mourn]

If your main concern is your social life, maybe you could try going to hang out events? try searching for clans or groups that's got similar vibes and tastes, they meet indoorsor outdoors and can have many activities such as RPG table, video games, sword battle, chatting, karaoke... many things, really. But if you want you can just go to a bar or nightclub. Trust me, I know it might sound absurd and stupid, but there will always be someone willing to be your friend, there are just too many humans in this world. I'd say having a companion is one of the biggests blessings life can give you, abd I mean friends, not just a shallow two-faced soul. I hope you can find your place in someone else's heart.,