I have been passively suicidal for 7 years now. At times I have given myself false hope that maybe there will come a day when I won't feel this way. It's a nagging feeling that's always there. Today I can't stop crying. I have begged to God to kill me. I am so desperate for death. This is my stable medicated self. I can't imagine what will happen if I get off medications. I am dependent for life. This feeling of suicidality will never go away. I just wish I go in so much despair that I stop caring about pain, what will happen to my family. This has to stop someway. I'm so lonely that I only write my true thoughts hear. Idk I am just blabbering now
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