this morning so far

[glowing.purple.aura]

I'm tired, I'm awake but I don't want to be, I'm alive but I don't want to be. Because I was sleeping in, my mom took my white noise machine and all of my blankets and is threatening to kick me out and/or force me to go inpatient if I don't start "participating in life" and "acting like someone who doesn't need to be hospitalized." This is what happens whenever I show any sign of regression. I can't ever have a bad day where I just want to be in bed. I can't take the constant threats from her whenever I'm not faking my happiness and will to live. She doesn't want to send me away because she cares, it's just so she no longer has to deal with me. She's one of those people who think their kids owe them everything and she owes them nothing the moment they turn eighteen. I might just kill myself in spite of her.

 

[always_a_crossroads]

I'm so sorry you have to deal with that. Sometimes a warm blanket is the only thing that brings even a little comfort. Being depressed and wanting to die are exhausting on their own, without being forced to do more.
Sending you hugs if you want them.