Story This is what depression feels like (to me)

[Cinnabun1112]

This is what depression feels like.
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It won't leave me. I won't ever be able to escape. It convinced me that death is better than living. It's not melancholy but it sucks everything positive out of me and provides that empty space with dark goo that flows through my veins. Turning the flower girl into death. Walking death. It's only a matter of time. She doesn't care. Her family coddles her and treats her like damaged goods. She tries to explain but is never successful. Maybe that's why she couldn't speak.
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It's the most uncomfortable feeling. Depression seeping in because she doesn't allow it. She turns off her gates but it doesn't care. It wants to penetrate until her mind and eyes become empty and her only thoughts are of death and suicide. It takes her away from everyone and loves when she feels the stress of loneliness and exhaustion and self medication and while depression may be black and dark. It's tangible. It's not a shadow. It's physical to the touch and she can't run. It's her. Sometimes she puts it in a cage and is able to enjoy her life, but sometimes it escapes and the worse she feels the stronger it gets. A mirror image of her but the hurtful kind.
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Voices telling her it's okay to let go and leave. Every small negative thing that is said or happens brings her closer to her fate. She is going to die early. She didn't deserve this life and while fate may have already decided this for a reason it decided on her depression as well. The severity. It hurts. It's not going anywhere. Now it just cradles her and smiles. It's got her under its control so no worries. Shes now ready to go. People won't understand that she is leaving because of the depression and not the people or the life. It's almost beautiful that weight of it on her shoulders and body, but then it reminds her of its intent...to kill. Does she want to go? Who knows. But it's holding her closely. It's treasuring her just waiting for the moment it'll end.

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[reveriewong]

You have a gift. Keep on writing.

 

[Notlivingjustbreathi]

The darkness has drained the life from me, I'm left feeling numb, hollow with no emotion, just emptiness eating me from the inside out. I'm nothing but an empty shell, breathing but not living, not surviving but only exising, fighting a daily battle of voices screaming, urges, and a whirlwind of thoughts in my mind. I am not alone, The Demon's, the shadows that live amongst the darkness keep me company taunting me day in and day out. It has stolen everything from me, it has stopped me doing everything I once loved, isolated me from those I cared for most, becoming a burden to them instead. Turning those who once cared into those who disappeared. It has filled me with misery, dread, fear & resentment. It's pain that no one should feel. I'm now lost, not knowing who I am and without a sense of belonging, I'm lonely with no hope of a future. Sinking further and further into the blackness. There's no escape, no light to hold onto, just complete darkness and mental torture. This isn't life anymore this is war between a body fighting to survive and a mind wanting to die.

 

[pole]

This is what depression feels like.
View attachment 14519

It won't leave me. I won't ever be able to escape. It convinced me that death is better than living. It's not melancholy but it sucks everything positive out of me and provides that empty space with dark goo that flows through my veins. Turning the flower girl into death. Walking death. It's only a matter of time. She doesn't care. Her family coddles her and treats her like damaged goods. She tries to explain but is never successful. Maybe that's why she couldn't speak.
View attachment 14520
It's the most uncomfortable feeling. Depression seeping in because she doesn't allow it. She turns off her gates but it doesn't care. It wants to penetrate until her mind and eyes become empty and her only thoughts are of death and suicide. It takes her away from everyone and loves when she feels the stress of loneliness and exhaustion and self medication and while depression may be black and dark. It's tangible. It's not a shadow. It's physical to the touch and she can't run. It's her. Sometimes she puts it in a cage and is able to enjoy her life, but sometimes it escapes and the worse she feels the stronger it gets. A mirror image of her but the hurtful kind.
View attachment 14522
Voices telling her it's okay to let go and leave. Every small negative thing that is said or happens brings her closer to her fate. She is going to die early. She didn't deserve this life and while fate may have already decided this for a reason it decided on her depression as well. The severity. It hurts. It's not going anywhere. Now it just cradles her and smiles. It's got her under its control so no worries. Shes now ready to go. People won't understand that she is leaving because of the depression and not the people or the life. It's almost beautiful that weight of it on her shoulders and body, but then it reminds her of its intent...to kill. Does she want to go? Who knows. But it's holding her closely. It's treasuring her just waiting for the moment it'll end.

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fuck everything else and focus on writing, go get that shit published if anything. use you're writing as an emotional outlet if anything and please keep posting this stuff throughout the forums. we need it.

 

[Journeytoletgo]

This was beautiful and sums it up what depression is. It cannibalizes your will to live.

 

[FuneralCry]

I can relate. When we are depressed consciousness becomes like a prison and we see death as the only way out. We have no control over our thoughts.

 

[PapaSuicide]

Holy shit, you are very good at describing! Only those who have or had it know how it is!

 

[Divine Trinity]

The scariest part about depression to me isn't the cyclical episodes, it's when you don't realize its there running in the background still controlling how you perceive and interact with the world. Depression is the enemy within, the unspoken voice rising to be heard.