faust
lost among the stars
- Jan 26, 2020
- 3,138
I started writing this post at 23:29 Greenwich. This was an extremely strange day.
Well, the day itself is just like any other, however, I want to write everything down to some extent because want to get rid of the remaining
symptoms. Everything started after work, I did not feel much tired, however, did not take this into an account simply because I am extremely tired all the time.
A few hours later instead of deadly tiredness came a very strange perception of the world surrounding me. And even then I was not yet thinking something is going
terribly wrong. Everything was different but did not seem odd. When I came home, I started tiding the room and doing the laundry. And as soon as I started going down the stairs, the shit started...
Like a low-voltage electric shock my state of mind started altering and I got very paranoid. The vision was a bit blurry and I realized it's kinda scary to go out.
Loaded the washing machine and heard something/somebody behind me.
It's been a few hours since I started constantly turning around and seeing nothing. Every fucking sound makes me shiver and instantly check what is behind. Every living and not thing makes me feel everything is watching me and wants to drive me mad. That's scary. Neighbors' cat is looking at me, tries to tell me something,
do things it never fucking does, looking straight to my eyes, a bat was doing 3 circles 3-4 meters above my head. This paranoia makes everything too much mystified.
It sometimes feels I am not alone there and I don't want to check this out... Never have paranoia and here it is. It's like, you know, a delirium during/after a hangover and everything
you see you recognize as real. One song is stuck right now in my mind. It is "Fear of the Dark" by Iron Maiden. Cannot stop singing it. And I still don't want
to get out to have a smoke...
00:21 Have just seen two lights outside the house, looked like eyes of an animal when you walk in the dark forest with a flashlight.
00:22 Fuck, I saw them in a different spot,but now it looked like a reflection of what's behind me...... It looks like a cat but there is nothing behind.
00:26 I will try to meditate, maybe it goes away...
00:40 Will go outside, try to convince myself these are just hallucinations.
00:46 Returned from smoke. The door screeched behind me, this made me panic. However, panic returned me to reality for a few minutes. Damn, why SS is not loading when I need it so much. Gonna wash the dishes right now, go upstairs and take diphenhydramine to make me drowsy. Too much energy.
00:58 Decided to take a hot shower to make me relax a little bit.
01:02 Finally posting this, this is the only connection now for me with the real world...
Well, the day itself is just like any other, however, I want to write everything down to some extent because want to get rid of the remaining
symptoms. Everything started after work, I did not feel much tired, however, did not take this into an account simply because I am extremely tired all the time.
A few hours later instead of deadly tiredness came a very strange perception of the world surrounding me. And even then I was not yet thinking something is going
terribly wrong. Everything was different but did not seem odd. When I came home, I started tiding the room and doing the laundry. And as soon as I started going down the stairs, the shit started...
Like a low-voltage electric shock my state of mind started altering and I got very paranoid. The vision was a bit blurry and I realized it's kinda scary to go out.
Loaded the washing machine and heard something/somebody behind me.
It's been a few hours since I started constantly turning around and seeing nothing. Every fucking sound makes me shiver and instantly check what is behind. Every living and not thing makes me feel everything is watching me and wants to drive me mad. That's scary. Neighbors' cat is looking at me, tries to tell me something,
do things it never fucking does, looking straight to my eyes, a bat was doing 3 circles 3-4 meters above my head. This paranoia makes everything too much mystified.
It sometimes feels I am not alone there and I don't want to check this out... Never have paranoia and here it is. It's like, you know, a delirium during/after a hangover and everything
you see you recognize as real. One song is stuck right now in my mind. It is "Fear of the Dark" by Iron Maiden. Cannot stop singing it. And I still don't want
to get out to have a smoke...
00:21 Have just seen two lights outside the house, looked like eyes of an animal when you walk in the dark forest with a flashlight.
00:22 Fuck, I saw them in a different spot,but now it looked like a reflection of what's behind me...... It looks like a cat but there is nothing behind.
00:26 I will try to meditate, maybe it goes away...
00:40 Will go outside, try to convince myself these are just hallucinations.
00:46 Returned from smoke. The door screeched behind me, this made me panic. However, panic returned me to reality for a few minutes. Damn, why SS is not loading when I need it so much. Gonna wash the dishes right now, go upstairs and take diphenhydramine to make me drowsy. Too much energy.
00:58 Decided to take a hot shower to make me relax a little bit.
01:02 Finally posting this, this is the only connection now for me with the real world...