Discussion This is my last year/When do you plan on ctb

[IzzyK8176]

Alright so I've been thinking for a couple of months now, I have decided that this will be my last year. I'm still kinda thinking about when, but I'm leaning towards before my 20th birthday(08/17). It's kinda peaceful and kinda happy I guess, knowing that this will be my last year. Also, when do any of you guys plan on ctb?

 

[Metro]

Hopefully within a few weeks/as soon as possible. Strange but liberating feeling to basically be a dead man walking

 

[LastNite]

I wont anytime soon. But if something ends up not working out in the way I wanted it to then I'll resort to ctb.

Hopefully within a few weeks/as soon as possible. Strange but liberating feeling to basically be a dead man walking

I know that feeling. Had it once. It does feel good, but I would be careful if I was you right now. When I was in that state I cared for nothing. I was still in highschool, I had high grades but ignored everything for weeks. I stopped doing good. I stopped eating well or playing my fav games. I thought that everything must end and that I actually have to go through with it. I ended up going through with it but not fully thats why Im still here. Idk if you know what Im saying but basically take everything you do with a grain of salt. Theres no magical force that will melt you down if you end up backing out. Think things through more carefully and in a relaxed state not an anxious one like I did. The moment that I decided I wanted to end it was when I was most anxious and uncomfortable and I was in school. The place that I hated most.

 

[kufajoy]

As soon as possible. Last date this June. Keep trying to die as peacefully as possible. If can't I will just hang myself in June

 

[itsgone2]

I wish I knew. This terrible plan, I realized it in November. I wish it had been done in December. Ive e let this go too long.
This doesn't answer op question. I hope soon. I hate this existence please let it stop

 

[Untoten_]

Alright so I've been thinking for a couple of months now, I have decided that this will be my last year. I'm still kinda thinking about when, but I'm leaning towards before my 20th birthday(08/17). It's kinda peaceful and kinda happy I guess, knowing that this will be my last year. Also, when do any of you guys plan on ctb?

Through May to July, my birthday is in July tho so I gotta watch out, it'll be a bit of a whammy if I kill myself just before or after my birthday. It depends. It honestly might happen around the end of May depending on how something goes.

 

[Metro]

I know that feeling. Had it once. It does feel good, but I would be careful if I was you right now. When I was in that state I cared for nothing. I was still in highschool, I had high grades but ignored everything for weeks. I stopped doing good. I stopped eating well or playing my fav games. I thought that everything must end and that I actually have to go through with it. I ended up going through with it but not fully thats why Im still here. Idk if you know what Im saying but basically take everything you do with a grain of salt. Theres no magical force that will melt you down if you end up backing out. Think things through more carefully and in a relaxed state not an anxious one like I did. The moment that I decided I wanted to end it was when I was most anxious and uncomfortable and I was in school. The place that I hated most.

The thing is that the primary symptom(?) of my issues, as diagnosed, is pathological anxiety. I have been calm at times, especially whilst I was still planning (that brought a *lot* of relief and calm) but I feel like it's unavoidable that I'm going to be naturally anxious as it comes closer. The anxiety also stems from the fact that I don't know whether my source'll be busted by UK authorities soon, and I'll receive a welfare check (or worse), and then I *won't* be able to carry it out at all, at least not for a really long time.

Ideally, I would take the resources I have now as comfort and control to give me the power to go on living another day. But I know I can't take them for granted like that, and I have to act soon enough. And that of course brings on anxiety and stress.

I know this is the right choice. I have been planning this for months. I recently stopped going to therapy because my therapist and I mutually agreed it wouldn't be productive and there was no longer any purpose or prospect of progress. I am certain this is the right thing to do.

 

[FuneralCry]

More than anything I wish I could just painlessly cease existing and never suffer in this dreadful, cruel and torturous existence I just always saw as the most terrible mistake ever again but of course I continue to be trapped in this horrific world where the suffering and torture of existing is seen as to force and prolong no matter what.

There's just so much evil in how anti-suicide people want to do all they can to make it so others are tortured by this existence and feel the pain of existing for as much and as long as possible, the fact that dying painlessly is made illegal is the most horrific unacceptable crime that just causes so much more suffering and torture in this existence where there is no limit as to how much agony one can feel. I'll just always see anti-suicide as such terrible extreme cruelty, I always suffer so much from existing in this dreadful prison world where existing beings are tortured in agony every second, to me existence is always an abomination and every second is torture to be conscious, it's just so terrible how humans impose this existence causing all this harm and suffering in the first place.

 

[death over slavery]

I want to ctb few hours after New Year's Eve (which is 12am-2am on New Year's Day), maybe this year or next year in a hotel room. It sounds dramatic, but there's a soothing feeling of me witnessing the beginning of a new year (and the end of an old one) with fireworks and people celebrating over it. The joyful atmosphere of those hours will hopefully drown out my SI.

It's also symbolic. The end of year, the end of life, the attainment of peace