This has to be a nightmare

[Unrecognizable7]

After I spent 6 hours yesterday at the hospital waiting and all i got was a letter and rude secretaries, i went to talk to my gp today but he is on holiday as i need a referral for a sleep clinic. The gp that is supposed to take over promised on the phone they'd hand me the referral and when I went there they told me to wait until my gp is back available. I asked if they do gp services and they said "why" and I said "because I have this extreme anxiety" and they said "first you want a referral, now you want to see a gp, what is it?" I already feel like a deformed parasite and I cannot calm myself down anymore. It hurts so fucking bad, i dont have anything to calm me down. Closed psych ward I do not want to go. I do not want to die that badly but the world bullies me into suicide.