The stalking, following, hanging around her house in the shadows, etc... all that is bad behavior. You need to cut that stuff out. It's scary for her and it isn't healthy for you.
It's one thing to sit at home and pine over someone, even to check their public social media... but when you are trying to be physically near them and hiding in the shadows to check up on them... it's beyond creepy and wrong at that point no matter how you slice it.
On the anxious attachment thing... I'm always confused when people say that if you "love too much" or are "too open" or whatever you come across as anxious and needy and nobody wants that. Okay... but how come people who behave as if they don't give a shit about someone are seen as more attractive? That confuses me. If the argument is current behavior is a sign of future behavior and the fear is too needy now = too needy later... then why isn't "doesn't give a fuck" not equated to "will not give a fuck" later?
I see men and women say they don't want someone who tries to hard or is too needy... but they will happily go along with someone who treats them indifferently and then act surprised later when the person doesn't really care about them.
I don't understand why the Nostradamus predictors people claim they have in sensing whether you are good or bad doesn't work consistently.
Toss out the anxious guys and the fuck-it-all guys... and there's a whole bunch of men and women right in the middle who show up for you and aren't needy but show you they care consistently, and these folks are labeled boring and ignored by and large. What the heck? I would think those middle ground people ought to be what you want?
Admittedly I'm more in the anxious crowd, so it wouldn't help my chances... but I don't see the people who seem the most stable to be finding each other either. It's weird to me... and there's nothing to really aim for when the rules don't make sense.
But circling back... the stalky stuff really needs to go.
aye if human history has shown something its that humans are the most illogical AND logical speciies all at once.
We send robots with cameras to MArs and then many of us act surprised when the person who was unforgivably uncaring to us before is , 25 years down the line of a relationship, STILL unforgivably uncaring to us right now . There is nothing wrong with being anxious with someone who has explicitly said they want to be monogamous with you. If they dont give a damn about you right now? They probably wont give a damn about you later. Oh well! You can always find someone who DOES want to be monogamous with you . It likely wont be easy let us just get that fact out there but it is possible.
Also if you suspect your partner is cheating first thing you gotta do is 1. dont stalk them cause....just no. DO you want someone to stalk you? No? If not Then dont stalk other people . If someome tells you they dont want you stalking them what the heck are you doing ? Leave them be. (unless you two are into that type of thing...).
2.ask youre supposed partner if you two are still together. If their answer is ANYTHING but 'Fuck Yes We Are Still Together'? Congratulations! It would appear that you are wasting your time on someone who has lukewarm acceptance of who you are and Id recommend that you no longer be with someone who has lukewarm acceptance towards you. Aye MLKJ said it first : 'Lukewarm acceptance is more bewildering that outright rejection'. Its either a 'Fuck Yes' and everything other than that is a 'Fuck No' . And then
3. gather all the evidence that you can legally get to prove that they are in fact cheating. You suspect them of cheating ....Ok....Now Prove it. This evidence also comes in handy when some of these jerks in their court rooms want you to present evidence of cheating (trust me , anyone who has been to court knows thar some judges and lawyers there are some of the most thorough, investigative people ever created. They will scrutinize you on the way that you breathe air. Satan shakes in terror of them...) If you find out that youre supposed partner are cheating ? Oh well. GOodbye to them you should say . There's billions of other people on this planet. GO find another who actually values you and your time...
I feel like i'm being destroyed mentally. She showed me so much affection at the start, she was so nice to me, so loving. She's the first person I had unpaid sex with in my mid 20s. For the first time someone cared about me. For the first time I felt worthy. I felt like I belonged, like I was normal. And it was all ripped away from me in almost an instant. I thought she'd be my first gf, but nope, threw me in the trash like every single one before her.
She messaged the group chat and it sounded like she was coming home from a date. I immediately felt intense panic and just a lack of will to do anything.
I ran over to her house and crept in the shadows to see her getting out of the taxi, to see if she's with someone. I already checked if her car was there 3 times today. By the time I got there the light was already on so I was too slow to see her arriving and going inside.
I am completely broken. I cannot cope with this mentally. It's eating away at me each day. I want it to stop. This pain, this anxiety, this feeling of worthlessness. Why won't anybody love me? I don't know where or how to meet anyone else anymore. Most of my friends have careers now, they're busy, I don't know where to go to try and meet women.
Why does every girl that shows interest in me lose it so quickly?
Why can't I just find one special person? I hate this so, so much. Why was I born.
I am sorry for any pain youre going through
nd I cannot give you any advice on how to cope other than try exercising or taking omega 3 supplements cause that all I do to cope.
But what I will tell you is this is that life and love are both gambles. NOTHING is ever assured in life or in love. VERY luck based. Maybe you get lucky, youll probably get unlucky. Oh well. THats just how these gambles go as of right now. Personally I would change things so that things could be more fair and that it would be easier for people of peaceful will to achieve their dreams and to find those that genuinely love them but I have little to no power so that change wknt be happening any time ssoon lol.
There have been millions of humans born before you or I , and who will be born after you and I who did everything correctly and their life's dreams were never achieved or their love life was abysmal or non-existent. They never met that one special person(or special people) , they never achieved ANY of their dreams, they just spent 85 years on this random watery rock and....that was it . Barely anyone noticed their existence or their passing. Thats sadly how it is right now.
The sad thing about love and life is that these are gambles where you will have to make yourself content with having had been able to have played the game ....and ...that will be all that a lot of us get and nothing else.
Sad truth. Boring truth. But the truth....
Sorry.
