this could be goodbye

[AllMyDreams]

As many people say to me but sadly many would disagree some days i believe the good otherdays i believe the bad…I definitely do and have done alot of fucked up shit have alot of personal issues too wether i can be fixed idrk another reason why i wanna go not just from a selfish but selfless angle i dont wanna go through the endless cycle of making friends and losing them and i dont really wanna put any more people through pain than i already have

Well... the fact that many people have told you what I told you means you're at least doing something right :)

As for your friendships... why do you think they keep failing? Do you have something like BPD? I will say especially when you're young it's not abnormal to make and lose friends fast though if it happens every time it might indicate that.

 

[goodoldnoname923]

Well... the fact that many people have told you what I told you means you're at least doing something right :)

As for your friendships... why do you think they keep failing? Do you have something like BPD? I will say especially when you're young it's not abnormal to make and lose friends fast though if it happens every time it might indicate that.

Unfortunately i did go through alot of friends creating alot of instability in my life the friend i was referring to in the post was a friend i had for an extremely long time that's patience started to fade with the shit going on but I genuinely feel like i was about to make a breakthrough sadly especially as I finally considered therapy
Coal is burning much quicker than yesterday,way faster than I thought tbh which alarms me done much quicker than i wanted it to be,would prefer it to be dark when i go but hey ho aleast i should be gone soon (:

 

[AllMyDreams]

Unfortunately i did go through alot of friends creating alot of instability in my life the friend i was referring to in the post was a friend i had for an extremely long time that's patience started to fade with the shit going on but I genuinely feel like i was about to make a breakthrough sadly especially as I finally considered therapy
Coal is burning much quicker than yesterday,way faster than I thought tbh which alarms me done much quicker than i wanted it to be,would prefer it to be dark when i go but hey ho aleast i should be gone soon (:

If you're still here... I personally always recommend trying therapy before CTB. I regardless am so sorry for the pain that drove you to this point.

 

[Forveleth]

If you follow the timelines I've seen, you might be gone by now but I just wanted to check in and see how you were doing.

 

[goodoldnoname923]

If you follow the timelines I've seen, you might be gone by now but I just wanted to check in and see how you were doing.

Not sure really,i should be bringing the carlcoal up soon feel super tried tbh but i've come this far so I can't back out now

 

[sash]

Hi.
Just seen this.
I'm sorry its come to this. But glad the first time didnt work so I got 2 say goodbye.
I wish you peace tonight

Take care

 

[goodoldnoname923]

In the tent now feels pretty hot would've preferred to wait but honestly exhaustion was getting to me and wanted this to be done as soon as possible may get out yet depending as i feel it's not ready

 

[sash]

U wanna chat? Hmu?

 

[goodoldnoname923]

Weirdly enough i feel like this attempt was worse than the last despite all the extra preparations i had made. I felt the CO taking some strain onto my lungs but idk if it was placebo because i taped the vents i put a sheet of tarp over the tent i fully sealed the door and window this time yet for some reason it was worse so i have no idea why. Maybe having someone who could call could help me maybe

 

[goodoldnoname923]

Today didn't exactly go to plan was looking for a very specific BBQ the same as i already had to burn double the carlcoal but I couldn't find it ended up getting another one i wanted to use as a seperate source to hold the carlcoal but thats going poorly

I really need to die and without psychical help its not easy,i've been getting many helpful advice and I appreciate it with my heart and soul but the amount of stress this is taking on me the pain i'm feeling

I'm just sick mentally in the end…everyone i love i destory and they never love me back ever…and for my love to be happy i have to die because i know i can't let her go

I'm having to improvise again which sucks fucking balls but again what choice do i have i'm trying to take caffeine in hopes it thins my blood therocally making the CO more effective but it could inturn have the reverse effect but idrk

 

[Ctrl_Alt_DEL]

Today didn't exactly go to plan was looking for a very specific BBQ the same as i already had to burn double the carlcoal but I couldn't find it ended up getting another one i wanted to use as a seperate source to hold the carlcoal but thats going poorly

I really need to die and without psychical help its not easy,i've been getting many helpful advice and I appreciate it with my heart and soul but the amount of stress this is taking on me the pain i'm feeling

I'm just sick mentally in the end…everyone i love i destory and they never love me back ever…and for my love to be happy i have to die because i know i can't let her go

I'm having to improvise again which sucks fucking balls but again what choice do i have i'm trying to take caffeine in hopes it thins my blood therocally making the CO more effective but it could inturn have the reverse effect but idrk

Dont be too hard on yourself brother i can see you are moving forward and trying your best
Im sure you will succeed finding peace soon
The journey to CTB is not easy, you are not alone

 

[goodoldnoname923]

So this time i'll be using more CO and made sure to tape up the loose vent hopefully i will succeed this time but i'm not sure wether i will or not

 

[Praestat_Mori]

So this time i'll be using more CO and made sure to tape up the loose vent hopefully i will succeed this time but i'm not sure wether i will or not

Are you still here? How r things going? Good luck, I hope you find peace!

 

[goodoldnoname923]

Are you still here? How r things going? Good luck, I hope you find peace!

Still here was just waiting for it too cool down before putting in tent like i was told,dk if i have enough CO though may consider using lighter fluid to burn instead of paper going forward

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Still here was just waiting for it too cool down before putting in tent like i was told,dk if i have enough CO though may consider using lighter fluid to burn instead of paper going forward

Afaik lighter fluid can cause other unwanted emissions, it's better to use paper or so. There r utube vids how to light a BBQ without lighter fluid

 

[goodoldnoname923]

Afaik lighter fluid can cause other unwanted emissions, it's better to use paper or so. There r utube vids how to light a BBQ without lighter fluid

Ok thanks for letting me know,perhaps was ill informed. Would gasoline work better then? Because i feel paper takes up far too much room making it harder to burn more carlcoal

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Ok thanks for letting me know,perhaps was ill informed. Would gasoline work better then? Because i feel paper takes up far too much room making it harder to burn more carlcoal

Gasoline is probably even worse. Do u use a chimney starter? This is recommended to burn the charcoal evenly.

 

[goodoldnoname923]

Gasoline is probably even worse. Do u use a chimney starter? This is recommended to burn the charcoal evenly.

Idek what that is,and i may use lighterfluid then

 

[goodoldnoname923]

About to jump back in the tent doubting a successful run tonight but after i have 2 more chances to get this right i hope to see you all soon ^^

 

[goodoldnoname923]

Tonight was almost successful,I actually passed out and was only woken up by some scumbags outside and an uncomfortable pillow didn't help

Getting a bigger grill actually helped,and I didn't even fill it to the prim or close my door yes genuinely

So if i go through the effort of taping the tent up more and stuff i can genuinely die tonight

I'll let you know once i get in the tent and if i don't respond after that you know i'm gone

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Have you read this thread?

Leaving tonight

I'm currently eating my (hopefully) last meal -pasta followed by a vegan ice cream sundae- at a jazz bar above a little independent cinema near the location I picked. Today I will start my BBQ probably around 11 o'clock UK time and hope to be dead by the early hours. Within a couple of days my...

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[goodoldnoname923]

Have you read this thread?

Leaving tonight

I'm currently eating my (hopefully) last meal -pasta followed by a vegan ice cream sundae- at a jazz bar above a little independent cinema near the location I picked. Today I will start my BBQ probably around 11 o'clock UK time and hope to be dead by the early hours. Within a couple of days my...

sanctioned-suicide.net

I most certainly have and it's extremely informative and been using it as a reference for awhile

 

[goodoldnoname923]

Why did it have to rain today,I could've been gone sooner,hopefully it'll dry out around 3 and if it does i'll be sure to go around 9-10pm as planned and then it should be goodbye

Sister just screamed at me and called me a "fat cunt" for drinking a drink aleast she won't have to worry about that anymore

 

[goodoldnoname923]

I'm in and ready to die hopefully this works

 

[sash]

I'm in and ready to die hopefully this works

Wishing you peace tonight & always

 

[Ctrl_Alt_DEL]

I'm in and ready to die hopefully this works

Good luck brave friend!

 

[anastenka]

I'm in the tent with CO as we speak and the smell in my nosils and feeling in my head is far from pleasant but I wouldn't call it painful. I'd say its more anxious than anything. I really hope this works but i'm not sure it will tbh its kinda scary but i may finally find peace

I guess i want to apologise to my parents for taking this action,i want to apologise to all the people i hurt over the years with all my mental issues and i want to apologise to myself for not being a better person

I want to thank all the kind and informative people i've found on this on this community and i wish you all the best in finding the peace you all serve or managing to find joy in existence

Either way i will be sure to update you if i somehow survive but if not i bid all thy fairwell

Wishing you all the best, take care and rest well<33

 

[Aprilfarewell4]

It looks like he was active one minute ago... does anyone know what happened?

 

[sash]

It looks like he was active one minute ago... does anyone know what happened?

They're sending me voicemails. They're still here, the rain & lettin it cook indoors (no air/airflow) messed the timings up.

 

[goodoldnoname923]

Honestly feel like i may need a partner to get this right really trying but I can't get it to work for the life of me