Venting This better not be fucking depression creeping up on me

[Cauliflour]

Idk I feel like recently I've been losing the will to do anything even though there's so much I could be doing. Like I'll sit, bored, not wanting to draw, or write, or study, or sleep, or watch YouTube, or eat even though I'm hungry and only do it just so I can focus. I can't become depressed now: my motive is shit and there's all these things I want to do and I refuse to just let myself waste all my precious free time doing jack shit because I can't get my shit together. I know I should eat veggies and go take a walk or something y'know be healthy but I'm dreadfully stupid so I won't.

Actually is this a vitamin pill thing? I've been taking 1 vitamin pill a day for the past 2 ish weeks because my diet is crap and these feeling have started to creep up on me within the past couple of days so is that linked or what? Am I just making my brain smarter by feeding it yummy vitamins so it's out of delusion or what? I mean, I used to take vitamin gummies a couple years ago and my dreams suddenly went way more vivid and longer and stopped after I stopped taking then because I hate gummies.

Suppose it could also be burnout but I refuse to be burnt out, I haven't done enough stuff this year to warrant being burnt out. I'm just lazy. I should've gone and killed myself properly back then so I don't have to deal with me wasting my life like this. Words can't express how much I fucking hate myself but I can't be too honest with myself because then I'll bully myself into depression and waste oxygen doing jack shit.