This is really just a stupid vent post.
My life had felt like hell for a long long time, I've been depressed for most of it. It has not been a bad life, in itself, I have food in my table and go to university but every day I spend it thinking if it's even worth it.
Even with my privileges, everything still feels wrong. The pain I carry is unbearable beyond what my body can take. I have been sexually abused since I was a child, and now, a few months ago, my family started to partake in it too. I had found the light when I met a girl, she made it brighter, to the point I could focus again on school after almost failing the semester. She raped me two weeks into dating me. Now on Saturday, my best friend abandoned me forever. The same friend that everyone I met left me for to be with.
For a lot of time, I always kept myself alive because hey, at least I have my friends. They were always for me but now they aren't anymore. My family won't stop my abuse, everyone I've dated has taken advantage of my body and abandoned me and now my friends do too. What is left for me?
For the past two days I've been attempting. Both by hanging but every time I just get incredibly scared of surviving and being left with irreparable brain damage and having to live and even worse hell. I've been since researching other methods but it seems hanging is the most effective. Considering I attempted yesterday and the day before I've been thinking, maybe for a third time I could actually succeed. Nothing will bring my life back to the way it was, I can't get unraped or suddenly make the friends I've had since school like me again. There is no hope.
My life had felt like hell for a long long time, I've been depressed for most of it. It has not been a bad life, in itself, I have food in my table and go to university but every day I spend it thinking if it's even worth it.
Even with my privileges, everything still feels wrong. The pain I carry is unbearable beyond what my body can take. I have been sexually abused since I was a child, and now, a few months ago, my family started to partake in it too. I had found the light when I met a girl, she made it brighter, to the point I could focus again on school after almost failing the semester. She raped me two weeks into dating me. Now on Saturday, my best friend abandoned me forever. The same friend that everyone I met left me for to be with.
For a lot of time, I always kept myself alive because hey, at least I have my friends. They were always for me but now they aren't anymore. My family won't stop my abuse, everyone I've dated has taken advantage of my body and abandoned me and now my friends do too. What is left for me?
For the past two days I've been attempting. Both by hanging but every time I just get incredibly scared of surviving and being left with irreparable brain damage and having to live and even worse hell. I've been since researching other methods but it seems hanging is the most effective. Considering I attempted yesterday and the day before I've been thinking, maybe for a third time I could actually succeed. Nothing will bring my life back to the way it was, I can't get unraped or suddenly make the friends I've had since school like me again. There is no hope.
