Venting Third failed attempt

[333olivia]

I feel like a failure and I don't know what to do with my life. I've tried to OD twice and it failed and now I tried to do a partial hanging but I wasn't able to. Idk if it was because of the knot or my technique or maybe I'm just a coward. I didn't except the rope to hurt so much and I thought i was supposed to pass out in 3-5 seconds but i didn't and my instincts kicked in. I don't have any place to to a proper hanging at home and I probably wouldn't have the courage anyway. I feel like I have no option but to live and keep suffering, I've been going on a really self destructive episode with alcohol and pills and arguing with everyone I know but my parents have already stopped all that by locking me at home and taking away all my money. Im a NEET so it doesnt make much difference but the money does because I cant buy alcohol. My days recently have just been going crazy having breakdowns and panic attacks alone at home while my mom is at home and im alone. Idk, everything sucks. Weirdly enough because I dont have any method im capable of doing I dont feel suicidal anymore, I just want to destroy myself but now i cant anymore. Its just pure emptiness and psychosis now.

 

[whywere]

You are NOT EVER a failure ever. Also, you are never alone, as you have SS and all the wonderful folks here. Also, I care about you deeply and want the best for you, I am always 100% straight up honest with folks and I truly want you to feel better.

I have always worn my heart on my sleeve and always will, that is me.

You are a brave, kind and caring person, as reading your message brought that out to me and a coward? NEVER!!

Sending you huge hugs, boundless love and the knowledge that I REALLY care for you, my good friend.

Walter.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Maybe it's just not quite your time, yet. They say we all learn from our mistakes, and that would have to include failed CTB attempts. Failed attempts would show what doesn't work. Who knows, maybe something good is heading your way in life. One never really knows. I think you just have to take it in stride, roll with it, see where life takes you, reevaluate what your doing, and see where things are now for you. You may very well decide (again) that CTB is the only option, and it may be, but next time you'll be a little wiser. Regardless, a failed attempt doesn't make you a failure in any stretch of the word. it makes you human, and humans make mistakes. And we learn from them.

 

[whywere]

Maybe it's just not quite your time, yet. They say we all learn from our mistakes, and that would have to include failed CTB attempts. Failed attempts would show what doesn't work. Who knows, maybe something good is heading your way in life. One never really knows. I think you just have to take it in stride, roll with it, see where life takes you, reevaluate what your doing, and see where things are now for you. You may very well decide (again) that CTB is the only option, and it may be, but next time you'll be a little wiser. Regardless, a failed attempt doesn't make you a failure in any stretch of the word. it makes you human, and humans make mistakes. And we learn from them.

You, my friend, are really, really a wise and kind soul. Your thoughts are so insightful and forward thinking, just wonderful!!

I could not give a better response, yours is perfect for the person.

Walter

 

[333olivia]

You, my friend, are really, really a wise and kind soul. Your thoughts are so insightful and forward thinking, just wonderful!!

I could not give a better response, yours is perfect for the person.

Walter

Thank you for your words everybody. This is all still too hard to deal with right now and I want to believe your words, I can feel they are honest and true but my brain is just too mean. Maybe soon I will be able to truly appreciate them, it means a lot.

 

[FuneralCry]

It sounds so horrible failing ctb to me, that is exactly what I fear. It certainly makes hanging sound so much easier than it actually is when you hear about all these people succeeding with it, I think the reality is that the hanging method is difficult as we have to overcome the instinct to survive and it doesn't mean that you are cowardly if you struggle to die. It really does sound so awful and tiring being trapped in that situation but anyway best wishes.

 

[333olivia]

It sounds so horrible failing ctb to me, that is exactly what I fear. It certainly makes hanging sound so much easier than it actually is when you hear about all these people succeeding with it, I think the reality is that the hanging method is difficult as we have to overcome the instinct to survive and it doesn't mean that you are cowardly if you struggle to die. It really does sound so awful and tiring being trapped in that situation but anyway best wishes.

I was trying for like 3 hours and I was so drunk and high on benzos that I just eventually passed out and when my mom and brother came home saw everything. You can imagine how that went. I feel like I did something wrong or maybe just part of me just didn't wanna die, I don't know. My neck is still so sore, it's hard to eat. Thank you