BBY
Seething.
- Feb 18, 2023
- 78
I've kinda been overwhelmed lately and it somehow lead me back to my suicidal thoughts. It has been fine for a while and now it's suddenly getting bad again. I'm honestly so fucking disappointed because i really thought i was finally free from this. I think it started around the time my brother got diagnosed with bpd abd I told my mom about how he sa'd me back when we were younger. Her reaction was to tell me that he was a kid and just curious. The boiling point was today because I failed my drivers test and my parents were talking about hitting me (jokingly) and when I mentioned one time when my mom hit me unjustified she just got angry at me and left, saying that didn't happen or something like that.
Now I just feel empty but somehow also overwhelmed. Also a little desperate to be a corpse. Idk if it has anything to do with my desire to ctb but a while ago I did an internship as a mortician. I mainly helped transporting the one that passed and getting them dressed. I was also there when some of them got their mouth sowed shut and it looked like they were smiling in their sleep. It really made me wish to be in their position, just so that I could be dead and they'd be able to spend more time with their family.
OK sorry this was a rant but i just needed to get some stuff out. If anyone read all of this thank you :)
Now I just feel empty but somehow also overwhelmed. Also a little desperate to be a corpse. Idk if it has anything to do with my desire to ctb but a while ago I did an internship as a mortician. I mainly helped transporting the one that passed and getting them dressed. I was also there when some of them got their mouth sowed shut and it looked like they were smiling in their sleep. It really made me wish to be in their position, just so that I could be dead and they'd be able to spend more time with their family.
OK sorry this was a rant but i just needed to get some stuff out. If anyone read all of this thank you :)
