Thinking about the past.

[monstercatering]

Do you all ever think about the actions that led you to where you are now? What made me say this or do that, and how each small choice has slowly led me deeper and deeper into a pit.

Tonight one of my friends who I thought about and valued the most showed me they aren't who I thought they were and ended our friendship. I can't help but think of each time that this relationship caused me stress, each time I chose it over something else. Each time I thought about it, and to find out that the whole time I was misunderstanding that person and giving false meaning to something that seems so hollow now.

For a few days I've been able to start digging myself out, but I'm reminded of the pointlessness at times like these.

 

[Holu]

Introspection and self reflection are weirdly viewed, with many people seeing it as a positive, and many more seeing it as self harming or a waste of time. As with all things, the correct answer probably lays somewhere in between. Personally I see no harm in reflecting, as it both strengthens your self understanding while guiding you forward. Just make sure to not become obsessed or mired down with the past. If it ever feels like too much, and that you're spending too much time in your head try to ground yourself by talking with friends or family. Or if that sounds awful we are always here for you. After all, we are one big mentally ill family!

 

[Deleted member 60002]

I'm very sorry to hear about your friendship ending. It might be for the better, even if it's hard to see that in this moment. Every friendship or relationship has its ups and downs, but some simply aren't worth the maintenance. I certainly do think about past mistakes and such. It's impossible not to. Everyone makes mistakes, though. I believe part of what ultimately separates people is those who learn from their mistakes and those who don't. Try not to get too down on yourself and take this as a learning experience. At the end of the day, like Holu said, you'll always have friends here to talk to.

 

[Rob1984]

Introspection and self reflection are weirdly viewed, with many people seeing it as a positive, and many more seeing it as self harming or a waste of time. As with all things, the correct answer probably lays somewhere in between. Personally I see no harm in reflecting, as it both strengthens your self understanding while guiding you forward. Just make sure to not become obsessed or mired down with the past. If it ever feels like too much, and that you're spending too much time in your head try to ground yourself by talking with friends or family. Or if that sounds awful we are always here for you. After all, we are one big mentally ill family!

This exactly. There is definitely a balance to be had when reflecting on one's past. Some people deny/suppress their past, and as a result never grow or fully understand themselves. Others are stuck in their past and replay it over and over on a weekly (sometimes daily) basis, and that also can hinder growth. It is hard to find a healthy balance, but imo, it's vital if one wishes to grow as a person. Reflecting on the past can provide us great wisdom moving forward in life, and it teaches us a lot about why and who we are today. I personally struggle with finding that balance though; often I catch myself dwelling on what has happened in my life, and that is not very beneficial.

 

[Holu]

This exactly. There is definitely a balance to be had when reflecting on one's past. Some people deny/suppress their past, and as a result never grow or fully understand themselves. Others are stuck in their past and replay it over and over on a weekly (sometimes daily) basis, and that also can hinder growth. It is hard to find a healthy balance, but imo, it's vital if one wishes to grow as a person. Reflecting on the past can provide us great wisdom moving forward in life, and it teaches us a lot about why and who we are today. I personally struggle with finding that balance though; often I catch myself dwelling on what has happened in my life, and that is not very beneficial.

It's definitely a slippery slope. After all, there's a reason so many artists throughout the years have lost their battles. Creativity gives time for self reflection, and too much is will ultimately degrade your spirit entirely. Not to mention how looking into things tends to leave us with feelings of hopelessness and futility. For me, the best way is to just try and distract yourself when you think you should stop reflecting. Regardless, we are all different people. Allot your time as needed, just don't be too hard on urself

 

[Rational man]

Concur with many points above. In addition, we make choices with the knowledge we have so yes, its easier to replay a scenario and hope for a better outcome. Ive learnt brutally how untrustworthy most people are. In part, i reflected my wishes on them and really i was deluded.