Venting Thinking about breaking up with partner before ctb and other venting

[asgoodasdead]

I love them dearly and they say that they love me too (it's hard for me to believe they truly mean what they say. Afterall, they have been growing more distant and that's honestly for the better.) I wish they never got to know me cause now they would actually be in pain if I ctb. Maybe if I did break up with them, they would hate me before I ctb and it'll all work out great. I'm so fucking stupid for ever agreeing to be in a relationship cause I actually had hope.

Yet in reality, long term, there is none for me. I will be stuck as a deadbeat adult who can't get a job anywhere and will continue to be verbally abused and whatever else by my family for as long as I live. I have my materials, why can't I just do it? It'll take less than an hour for all of this to be over. God, I'm stupid.

 

[Dreamwalker]

Don't blame yourself for not being ready !! Ctb is a really big personal decision; the only person who needs to be comfortable with it at the end of the day is you, and it sounds like you might not be yet !!

Spend time with the thoughts, you will make the right decision no matter what it is !!

 

[asgoodasdead]

Don't blame yourself for not being ready !! Ctb is a really big personal decision; the only person who needs to be comfortable with it at the end of the day is you, and it sounds like you might not be yet !!

Spend time with the thoughts, you will make the right decision no matter what it is !!

Thank you for your words, I really appreciate it :)