Add your own if you want to. These are things going through my head, since.. Yeah.
Ironically, I hate making posts like this.. Hyper analysing things, drawing to conclusions that everyone already bloody knows. But for some reason, these small things seem very important when you're getting closer and closer to darkness.
I think loneliness is one of the biggest ones. If you don't have people in your life - people that you're close to or can confide in - you just live a life that doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if you're dead or alive, sad or content.. If no one cares about you anyways. It's important to.. Realise.. That you need real life friends. Not just online. I learned that the hard way and got severely burned. Online friends can't and don't fill that hole that only physical friends can fill. There's verbal intimacy, but there's no physical intimacy. There's no physical solidarity. There's no physical appreciation of one another.
The other is not being able to enjoy anything. Whether that's because of anhedonia, or because you're in so much pain that you can't appreciate anything.. Because that's what life's about. Enjoying things, no matter how small. And if you can't.. I can't even enjoy food, anymore. For Christmas, my family cooked gammon, turkey, steak, spinach and pumpkin.. We had homemade trifle, ice cream, candy and the whole nine yards, and I didn't enjoy any of it. It was as if my taste buds died. The list goes on of what I don't enjoy... It makes it difficult to get up.. A psychologist that I talked to yesterday asked me that question. When I told her a little bit about my head, she asked me "I don't know how you get up everyday".
The last thing would probably be an inability to be. Yeah. "An inability to be". Life is problems.. Constantly.. And being alive is to overcome those problems in some fashion, to go to a place.. A higher goal. Whatever it is. Look at the grind mindset, or religion or whatever. But, for whatever reason, if you can't solve these problems.. Or if you can't even envision a goal or a place you want to be in, then there's nothing that life can offer you. I don't want to get better because I don't care. I look at the things that people enjoy and I can't understand it. I don't care about being in a relationship anymore. I don't care about family. I don't care about wealth, or hedonism or anything. There's nothing that I can be, or can receive that will make my suffering feel worth it. So, there's no point to confronting the problems in my life.
I share your views and struggles.
Lonliness, unvalidation, stigma.
Having a higher goal, create meaning, also a livelihood to start with .
Inability to enjoy even little things
I would say all of it steems form lingering feeling of lacking, inadequacy at higher level than normal or acceptable. Whether thoughts are unclear or emotions are strong toward yourself nd your environment, or even distorted view of yourself.
And probbly for me i lived
a long periods of debilitating depression, then mental disconnection from reliaty and everyday life.
Not forget that all this is debilitating and hrd to temper and meanwhile you hve to face a society that so unforgiving and violent and sturtured to diminish and resent, billittle such challenges with believes different from yours. Lack of tolerance and compassion.
Questionable morality.
The intensity of mental struggles and difficulty to embrace this misfortune.
Little and no effective coping and defensive mecanism against malevalence and harrassment.
Stigma around mental struggle behavioraly and the way you process the world.
Lack of trust and patience from others. They seek the strong and adequate not the damaged and in pain.
The survival defensive nature of people.
Tribal structure of society.
Misfortune.
Dysfonctional family.
All this inertia stuck in you and push your life without much free will
Disconnection from family and surrounding.
Deterioration of cognitive ability.
Childhood neglet or abuse.
Dysfonctional Family with history of mental illness.
Unfavorable circumstances.
Maladaptive personality.
Trauma.
Bullying.
Lack of means and resources.
Its like you're in a state of urgency due to all this and still need to heal and fuction in society.
Internalizing happenings on your own. If you ask someone else close to you they won't have clue what your spilling about.
i would add abscence of meaningfull support at young age.
A series of absence or occurance in your disadvantage that left you vulnerable to this cruel life as it is.
Any one feel to correct or add. Would be
Being ugly. I'm trans. Nobody has every expressed remote interest in me and I just turned 24. I'm not smart enough for college, so I'm stuck hiding in the closet and working a dead end job that I can't advance past. The woman I have feelings for probably doesn't like me back. I'm just sick of suffering and being alone. Also, the state of the world. Capitalism. I fucking hate how materialistic and shallow and superficial everyone is. They look for any excuse they can to hate people over insane and baseless ideas rather than choosing to be a better world. I don't want to live to see the state of the world in the future.
Capitalism, make yourself useful while debilitated with no tools and means. Very shallow world.
Very faulty wired brain cant stand that.
My brain is wired for fear us I absorbed all ly family members pain and fears unconsciously and life took care of the rest and created this endlessslippery slop for me to move pasr.
People always think that a person is their choices. I hate extremities.. Genes play so much into things.. My life may have been better if I didn't look repulsive. Sigh.
Meaninglessness doesn't affect me. What DOES is realising that life isn't good at all. For me at least. I have no people, I have no enjoyment. So even if I continue living, I'm just maintaining my body, working, maintaining my body, working - over and over again until I die.
I WISH that was an oversimplification.
I hope I fucking die soon.
It definitely isn't for me. I'm living exactly like how you are, and it's not sustainable. It's not healthy. But it's almost unchangeable because of how deep it runs.
None of the pillars that an ordinary person has, are in my life. Due to reasons, but that doesn't matter anymore. Childhood is critical for your life. It's where you find the bricks for these pillars. And if you don't have those bricks, it's very likely you won't ever have those pillars in your life.
Likely. It's not definite. But trying to get into the dating market when you're 30, unemployed (or employed at a horrible job) with no social life - you're just asking to be walked over.
If you're chidhood was nonsense then we are probably left with one cracked pillar in world thriving with sky scrapers
It's everything for me that makes this existence not worth it. Being here trapped in this world could never possibly be worth anything, it's all just unnecessary and it would had been better off if life was never a thing at all. Life is just a insignificant cycle of suffering, it's such an useless and tedious thing having the ability to exist. And anyway all that life is, is just a consequence of evolution with the fate of all those who exist being to deteriorate and die. There is nothing that could justify bringing life here and there is nothing to be gained by existing, instead there are only just ways to suffer more and be tormented, as with existing comes an unlimited amount of disadvantages to it.
The fact that existing beings have the ability to suffer is the most horrific and disturbing thing to me and it's the most rational thing to wish to be free from it all. Life as a concept holds no value and serves no purpose and I see no benefit to delaying the inevitable.
Life being conciouss of it self is recipe for suffering. I heard a person spill smth trying to make sens of thing saying people lifes are levels. What I interpreted was people suffer in multiple levels from lowest to the highty mighty.
