Venting things are getting better and i don’t want them to

[underscore_nine]

i've been planning my sui the last few days, getting things ready, trying to ensure this is the time and something amazing out of the blue happened. I still really want to die but im not sure now, i know this thing won't change my life and make it better permanently however for the next few weeks things will be happier most certainly, I don't want to get better and now im in a position where so much good is happening. I'm just hoping things go horribly wrong so I can die in peace. I'm torn between eternal rest or temporary comfort

 

[breezeboy]

I say enjoy the happiness while it lasts. Having set the timeframe for my ctb I've been trying to find enjoyment my last few months anyway I can.

It's okay to want to live and it's okay to want to die.

I hope things become clear for you