Major Tom
I found heaven in hell
- Feb 24, 2024
- 71
Back to my ex, she was lying up stuff that obviously was very unlikely to impossible but still believed her, despite her being obviously less intellectually and also intellectually impaired duo to having a 80% disability shine where she looks braindead on. Out of stupidity, love and guilt of being fallen for i prob just believed it?[The interesting part is, that Tom right is getting torn apart between being extremely gifted or the most stupid mind in his life. And there are undeniable evidence that lead to both conclusions being the case, a paradox haunting him since … well infancy. Where he had to endure tbi that put him in to a comma, being awake for his first birthday, not as shell, but as gifted mind, according tho psychiatric evaluation.] If she is so stupid and could manipulate me i must be stupid too at that (easy answer most probable) but why am i so stupid in believing a mentally and intellectual disabled girl which was undeniable truth at this time. (accepts he is stupid but has the want to analyze every detail so he can learn and grow, which feeds ego and view of his extreme gitedness/adeptability in learning and analysing). It is probably duo to me being a person that cared deeply and blindly. Cus this was my first relationship. And the thing is, she fell in love with me. Making me feel and obiously desire it, despite not being atrected to her at all. Making it a guild tripp almost. Cus i cant deny love from a person who is so broken, and she also wanted to connect with a suicidal depressive shell. But after she broke up with me while suicidal, buying a rope for it and even after countless halluzinations of family, friends and the dead, which were cousing her suffering and manipulating her in to suicide. While hearing endless screams, i was there every night. But still couldn't know how this breaks you psyche. And thats why i might developed the want for her conditions. To understand her undeniably. But in the end, the lies and manipulations were to obvious to dismiss. Cus she was telling me lies. while grabbing thue first incorrect claim, me correcting myself and she accepts that for the truth. She wanted to manipulate me in to driving for her a 10h trip without any compensation. So there is the possibility, that she is very intelligent, using her intellectual disability as disguise. But in the end i know what a good relationship has to be. And i wrote all of it while in psychosis.
