Venting These past 2 weeks have been hell. Im going to be apart of the 27 club.

[mistymoo]

My long distance fiance breaking up with me was my cataclysm and i cant bounce back. She was my whole world. My best friend. My home.


Turns out my whole family could tell she wasnt serious and was only stringing me along. They couldnt bring themselves to crush my puppylove. Im an idiot who has been stuck in a fake fairytail reality for 3 years. Ive fucked my life up so badly. I dont even have friends anymore bc i just wanted to be w my ex all the time (she was the same.)
I pushed her to get medicated, counseling, health exams AND a job. She didnt have anyone when we met and now the tables have turned and i dont even know how any of this happened. I used to have so many friends but i self sabotaged myself and hurt them when i met my ex. My dad keeps saying i can easily make new ones but the truth is Im too tired. I dont want to pick my pathetic life back up and try to peice it together. Im sick of being strong. Ive stopped taking my seizure meds. It would be like winning the lotto but maybe if im lucky i can have another seizure asap that finally kills me.

 

[4everHeartBroken]

I know this isn't what you want to hear, but PLEASE don't kill your self because of a lost "love" that wasn't even real. I've been there and bounced back. It WILL feel like HELL for several months but in most cases, you WILL feel better after some time. Sounds like you're still within 2 weeks of learning about this fantasy world, so that's understandable to feel as deeply as you do right now after 3 years of that fantasy world. Statistics are promising when a love hurt you and you are able to move forward AFTER HEALING yourself first. You are definitely still in your shocked and healing phase. This can feel like an eternity! I know! If you're under 40 and a decent guy with a decent heart, there ARE many other girls out there who DO live in the real world and who CAN love you. I know you don't even know me and vise versa, but this seems like an EXTREMELY common phase that a LOT of people feel after they've been hurt like you. It's definitely NOT fair and it sucks the life out of you… but that's what your ex-lover wants. They want to keep you off balance so they can control you. Don't give in to her fantasy world. Take all your energy and use it to start making friends again or gain back the ones you've lost. Maybe 1-2 years from now you can look back and say, "What was I thinking?! My life is so much more fulfilling now that's I'm away from her!" Sometimes all it takes to survive is to get over that very person who abused you and start new. I doubt you'll feel the same feelings for your abuser 2 years from now. Remember, you have 3 years of trauma from her. If she is the primary reason that you want to CTB, I'd definitely think it over again. Intimate relationship love is SO BLIND! Be easy on yourself. You sound like a decent person. If she's your only reason and you are only 2 WEEKS out of a 3 YEAR relationship, you have hope.

 

[mistymoo]

I know this isn't what you want to hear, but PLEASE don't kill your self because of a lost "love" that wasn't even real. I've been there and bounced back. It WILL feel like HELL for several months but in most cases, you WILL feel better after some time. Sounds like you're still within 2 weeks of learning about this fantasy world, so that's understandable to feel as deeply as you do right now after 3 years of that fantasy world. Statistics are promising when a love hurt you and you are able to move forward AFTER HEALING yourself first. You are definitely still in your shocked and healing phase. This can feel like an eternity! I know! If you're under 40 and a decent guy with a decent heart, there ARE many other girls out there who DO live in the real world and who CAN love you. I know you don't even know me and vise versa, but this seems like an EXTREMELY common phase that a LOT of people feel after they've been hurt like you. It's definitely NOT fair and it sucks the life out of you… but that's what your ex-lover wants. They want to keep you off balance so they can control you. Don't give in to her fantasy world. Take all your energy and use it to start making friends again or gain back the ones you've lost. Maybe 1-2 years from now you can look back and say, "What was I thinking?! My life is so much more fulfilling now that's I'm away from her!" Sometimes all it takes to survive is to get over that very person who abused you and start new. I doubt you'll feel the same feelings for your abuser 2 years from now. Remember, you have 3 years of trauma from her. If she is the primary reason that you want to CTB, I'd definitely think it over again. Intimate relationship love is SO BLIND! Be easy on yourself. You sound like a decent person. If she's your only reason and you are only 2 WEEKS out of a 3 YEAR relationship, you have hope.

Sooooo when I posted this it was still very fresh. I do believe it had been a week or 2 after the breakup that I made this post. I totally understand your confusion on my gender and I'm not mad / upset or anything (I actually like that people can't tell sometimes) but I'm a female and currently 27 y.o. It's almost been 2 months since she broke things off. I did indeed end up having a seizure but it was on my couch with my mom right beside me so I couldn't have gotten hurt if I tried lol. I'm taking my meds again.
I never want to get that close with anyone ever again so I've been making strictly friend connections. It's so tiring
I've had thoughts about ctb for as long as I can remember. The thoughts are mostly manageable but when things blow up like this planning my exit helps to calm me down in a way that nothing else can. It gives me control of something that I can't otherwise control.

After a month of no contact I woke up from a nightmare of her and texted her. She wanted to stay friends and i tried but seeing how much I was still hurting and she was legitimately relieved and happy was killing me. I told her as much and I begged her to block me on everything. Through out our relationship I would always go back to her. She wouldn't block me. So, this morning she woke up to me demanding she take her name off my vets call list. I wasn't nice either.
I got her to block me on 1 app after that. My plan is to get her to block me on everything so I can't wake up after a nightmare and turn to her ever again