roaming_soul
Member
- Dec 29, 2021
- 49
In 3 hours I'll be taking my SN.
I'm grateful to have found this site for all the support recieved during what must be the loneliest decision in the history of all existence.
Thank you to the members who I've had private chats with about all the weird, wonderful and painful parts of what it means to be human.
I'll be online until I take my drink in this shitty motel room.
The hardest part has been writing my letters. I've got 2 more left to write and 1 video to record for my friends and family. I can never say that I wasn't loved - I was loved. Deeply. And I loved deeply.
This moment has been years in the making so I don't see myself backing out. I've spent the last couple of weeks going through what felt like a mourning process as I came to terms with this decision. The hardest part was accepting that I'm about to leave behind a lof of pain. I've been on the floor crying about this in recent weeks. But today not a tear has been shed. The pain can't be avoided and I've had to accept that when I'm not here there isn't anything that I can do to lessen it or help my friends and family through it. All I can hope for is that they remember that I loved them so much and that this had less to do with them and everything to do with me. To live or to die?
To be or not to be...
The decision was made a long time ago. All that was missing was a method that I could carry out. Now I have that. And I'm not sorry for that. But I am sorry for the pain I'll leave.
Anyways... I'm writing this thread because I've found the experience of other members to have been helpful. Not in convincing me, but in exercising my right in choosing death in a somewhat dignified manner. There is little dignity in choosing suicide in our society with the sneaking and lying that we have to do. Fuck, when I arrived at this shitty motel I thought 'this is not me' but it'll have to do because I could never imagine my mother finding my dead body in her home and this was all that I could afford.
Life is expensive... so is dying. That's life's cruel joke on us all.
I feel calm, nervous, and ready. I'm sad that my life came to this. But it is what it is I guess.
I hope I won't be alone during the next couple hours. Drop a line or an emoji below please. If I can't have my family then maybe the members here can be there for me. The joy of my life was connecting to people.
As for the details of my exit:
- I'll take 25g of 98.7% pure Sodium Nitrite in 100 ml of water.
- I'll have a backup glass in case I throw up, if that doesn't kill me then it means it was not meant to be as that would be 10 times the lethal amount.
- I followed Stan's 48 hour regimine.
- I've taken 5 doses of a prescription anti-emetic (Mitil) and will take x3 in 2 hours.
- I will have fasted for 9 hours when I drink the SN.
- I will take paracetamol and an anti-acid according to Stan's guide 15 and 30 mins before taking the SN.
- I'll self ban this account right before drinking the SN.
I cannot believe this is happening. It is. And I'll be online until I'm offline for good
I'm grateful to have found this site for all the support recieved during what must be the loneliest decision in the history of all existence.
Thank you to the members who I've had private chats with about all the weird, wonderful and painful parts of what it means to be human.
I'll be online until I take my drink in this shitty motel room.
The hardest part has been writing my letters. I've got 2 more left to write and 1 video to record for my friends and family. I can never say that I wasn't loved - I was loved. Deeply. And I loved deeply.
This moment has been years in the making so I don't see myself backing out. I've spent the last couple of weeks going through what felt like a mourning process as I came to terms with this decision. The hardest part was accepting that I'm about to leave behind a lof of pain. I've been on the floor crying about this in recent weeks. But today not a tear has been shed. The pain can't be avoided and I've had to accept that when I'm not here there isn't anything that I can do to lessen it or help my friends and family through it. All I can hope for is that they remember that I loved them so much and that this had less to do with them and everything to do with me. To live or to die?
To be or not to be...
The decision was made a long time ago. All that was missing was a method that I could carry out. Now I have that. And I'm not sorry for that. But I am sorry for the pain I'll leave.
Anyways... I'm writing this thread because I've found the experience of other members to have been helpful. Not in convincing me, but in exercising my right in choosing death in a somewhat dignified manner. There is little dignity in choosing suicide in our society with the sneaking and lying that we have to do. Fuck, when I arrived at this shitty motel I thought 'this is not me' but it'll have to do because I could never imagine my mother finding my dead body in her home and this was all that I could afford.
Life is expensive... so is dying. That's life's cruel joke on us all.
I feel calm, nervous, and ready. I'm sad that my life came to this. But it is what it is I guess.
I hope I won't be alone during the next couple hours. Drop a line or an emoji below please. If I can't have my family then maybe the members here can be there for me. The joy of my life was connecting to people.
As for the details of my exit:
- I'll take 25g of 98.7% pure Sodium Nitrite in 100 ml of water.
- I'll have a backup glass in case I throw up, if that doesn't kill me then it means it was not meant to be as that would be 10 times the lethal amount.
- I followed Stan's 48 hour regimine.
- I've taken 5 doses of a prescription anti-emetic (Mitil) and will take x3 in 2 hours.
- I will have fasted for 9 hours when I drink the SN.
- I will take paracetamol and an anti-acid according to Stan's guide 15 and 30 mins before taking the SN.
- I'll self ban this account right before drinking the SN.
I cannot believe this is happening. It is. And I'll be online until I'm offline for good
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